Runing

I went for a run along the seaside downstairs last night. I thought I would be the only soul doing a stupid thing to exhaust the too relaxed body. But no. There were plenty of runners running for different reasons.

It felt good to feel hot in the winter. It felt good to get this body to move and all the cells to bounce.

It should be continued tonight.  

True or false

Cry to show your strength in tears
Shut yourself up to release anger in the air
Opening your heart to the nothingness to show people
Laugh to let tears fall to test your sense of humor
Making sense out of bullshit always works if you can
Theories are doctrines is the Uni
Traditions are cultural norms in the society

Ever since......after all.....I still stumble and fall in the perfect balance......
Catching every piece of nice shit falls from the snowfalls

Discipline

Self-discipline, disciplining myself!
Isn't the self belong to ourselves?
Yet, how much control do we have over our mind and body?

Behave like your age!
Act like you are supposed to perform!
Do what you are supposed to do!
Just do it!

Sounds so easy. But can you really make yourself to complete what are you supposed to do everyday?

If you are idle, be not solitary, if you are solitary, be not idle!---At least try not to be.

Rather be rejected than regret

I am used to be rejected anyway, wouldn't bother one more. I am not used to regret though, would never want to get used to it. So I applied this program even though I don't have any advantage anyway. I'd rather be rejected than regretting not giving it a try.

Learned to expect nothing already, in any aspect of life.

Surprise likes reality.

Try, what I want to try before I run out of time and interests, is my new motto.

Whatever it comes out, life goes on.

I am flying my kite

Autumn breeze touches my skin
Dry cool air dries out my dream
To fly my kite it's time in the wind

To the big blue blue sky I throw
From my heart I knew I have to let it go
The more I let go, the more I am in control

And in the deep purple sky of the winter night
I will find the stars mimicking my kite
Blinking and hinting me how to win the fight

With my eyes I am pulling the line of my kite
Not with strength I used to fight
But in the hope of seeing the silver light

Midnight Tallinn

I was talking through the old town of Tallinn on my return from Helsinki that night I remember, no one was in the street and except a few lights in restaurants there wasn't a soul. Immediately, I found that moment was reflecting my whole life and asked to myself, was it too lonely, couldn't I make a change, get myself involve into something?

Suddenly that strong feeling from that moment echoed in my heart today. I am still holding on.

Slowing down

I am not sure if it is my age that has taken me to another pace in life or I had been running all the way in the past, everything seems slowed down at my thirties. I don't wanna rush anymore, I wanna walk my life in a different mode. I guess it is this attitude that has regulated the speed of my inner clock. If I don't take this as a sign of aging, I should be great to live with the new manner.

Lazy Saturday

It isn't easy to keep the entry going everyday. Sometimes my mind got messes up that I couldn't put a thing in a clear line while the other time I just have nothing worth to put it down. Most of the time, though were because I was lazy.

Today was quite a peaceful Saturday that I spent the whole day at home to get rest. Catching a flu is not a big deal but the aftereffects that your body and mind couldn't work as the way they do in their healthy days is frustrating. I couldn't concentrate for a words and get tired often under the influence of sickness plus medication. Somehow I also felt a bit down and depressed. Know that this kind of feelings won't be treated by doctors as they only know to deal with the virus, I didn't bother visiting them at all. Plenty of tables and pills from pharmacy can help my bodily illness. While the side effects of light depression, I believe, could be healed with time by itself.

What can I a patient do with something productive at home?  I chose to do something that can entertain me while I can take rest and relax at the same time, I watched a movie called the Stories We Tell.

Stay with positive people

I finally started to get to know myself more at my thirties. To know oneself requires constant self-questioning, self-evaluation and self-reflecting. More importantly, one also needs to be honest to oneself and learn from other people's responses.

Through the ways of people's behaviours, I realized what sorts of people I want to get close to and vice verse in order to gain positive energy and avoid being effected negatively. Emotions are contingious and I am the type who would be easily affected. In this case, I should stay with people who could release positive energies to me so that I could be infected positively. Having this kind of thinking does not mean I am selfish but rather a wise way of avoiding destructive results as two negative people put together would never bring anyone happiness. 

I have to make choices. Stay firm stay positive stay calm. 

Check yourself before you die

1.I followed my heart and intuition.


This is your life, and it’s a short one. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let others put a cage around you. Try what you want to try. Go where you want to go. Follow your own intuition.


2.I said what I needed to say.


You must say what you need to say when you need to say it. It may be your only chance to do so. Don’t censor yourself. Speak the truth. Your truth.

3.I did what I needed to do.


The greatest gift extraordinarily successful people have over average people is their ability to get themselves to take action – to physically do something about getting from where they are now to where they want to be. And no, it won’t be easy. But in the end, suffering from the pain of discipline while you do what you need to do is a whole lot easier than suffering from the regret and disappointment of never fulfilling any of your dreams.


4.I made a difference.


In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. Doing something nice for someone can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world.

5. I know what true love is.

Relationships must be chosen wisely. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.


Love is beautiful and unpredictable. The best thing you can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible. The universe will know when you are ready, and when you are, true love will happen, unexpectedly.


6. I am happy and grateful.

Very little is needed to create happiness. It is all within you, in your way of thinking.


A big part of this is simply being grateful for what you have. Look around. Appreciate the things you have right now. Many people aren’t so lucky.

7.I am proud of myself.


You are your own best friend and your own biggest critic. Being proud of yourself is also known as having strong self-esteem. Being proud isn’t bragging about how great you are. It’s more like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot. Acknowledge your positive qualities, and when you come across a quality in yourself that you aren’t proud of, don’t sulk in your sorrows, proactively work on correcting it.


8.I became the best version of me.


Remember, at any given moment, you are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be.

9.I forgave those who hurt me.


Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

10. I have no regrets.

Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what you need to do fulfill your dreams. Say what you need to say. Be kind to others. Offer a helping hand when you’re able. Love those who deserve to be loved, and cherish the bond you share. Appreciate all the things you do have. Smile. Celebrate your small victories. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t change.

I am flying my kite.......

I am still feeling sad but guess in a lesser degree today. Thank goodness to the busy day yesterday, or else I wouldn't know how to kill all the unbearable time. I would never thought that some one would do this to me. I know she had never thought someone would do that to her too.

Kill a friendship in order to secure a partnership! She did it. How funny and ridiculous it is but yet happens sometimes in the reality and sadly so often the friendship is always sacrificed. Standing from her position though, I would probably do the same. At the same time, sincerely, I am happy that she is truly in love. Badly in love that she would do such a thing to a friend. Enjoy it buddy!

So I guess I need a few days to mourn it and many sad songs to sympathize my feelings. I would read our conversations for a few times more, think and thank you everyday morning when I make my coffee, for all those encouragements you have sent me and many other things. All the stupid topics and ideas I have in my messed up mind that I have to write it down here instead of in the chat box.

And in the mean time, I will enjoy flying my kite.......I will look up to it every now and then......thought about the time it was in my hands.....and appreciate its beauty in the sky now......

I lost a friend today.....perhaps only temporarily

So much in my mind but so less I can put it into words. So dreadful it is but so less tear can it be washes away. So much so in this ridiculous but simultaneously reasonable situation that I have to bear all this today. Today, I lost a friend, a true real friend I regard to in this circle who I can relate to and chat with, in contexts ranging from the most stupid things to the extreme intellectual topics across our daily lives to the academic level. It takes a long way from strangers to become friends across the spaces and races but how sadly today I have to realize that it takes so little to end this friendship.

We know each other via an app about half a year ago and we chatted non-stop ever since then. We met twice in HK and each time was a pleasant encounter. I was so confident that she would be someone who I would make friend with ever since the first sigh. In fact it is still true. She is still my friend. A friend who has flown away for a while and will come back soon.

I lost her today.....perhaps just today, just temporarily....perhaps only for a while, like a month. I have this strangest but also strongest feeling and faith that we will meet again soon, in the most unexpected but joyful way. There is a cross on our lives already and therefore we can never walk in parallel lines. More importantly, I will never put a valuable friendship down in such an unsatisfied and unfinished way. This is not an end but only a pause.

And therefore from now on she is my kite. I let the kite fly into the sky freely for a while. I will take it back soon.

Group meeting hot pot

It took me a while to make up my mind seeing them at a time and in first time with 8+ people tonight in TST. Never an easy move but once it's decided I'd go anyway. 

Ever since I downloaded this app and started chatting with people from the circle about 4 months ago, I become more active in making new friends and my desires of meeting people alike had grown as well. 

These people who I am seeming tonight are from a group chat which has more than thirty members. Tonight I am only seeing some of them. But that some of them are very "much" and "enough" for me already.

I have learned to expect nothing ever since I met my first net friend which was a disaster. Very often I think I take things too serious and that eventually leads behaving awakwordly and unnaturally. Although not everything turned out nicely, I have learned a lot from all those fresh new experiences in inter-personal relationship as well as life events that I had gone through in the past few months. Much more ahead of course and this time I am more ready. 

I believe there still would be full of surprises tonight. I have to remind myself here to take it easy, be calm and be myself. 

Quote from Spider-Man

...... have  been living in so many unresolved things. Those things send us down a round. They make us who we are. If anyone is destined for goodness,  it's  you. You owe the world your gift. You just have to figure it out how to use them. You are your own hero. 

The best mottoes

The best mottoes are the one written by yourself from your own experiences. 

I have to love human interactions even though there could be shitty and nasty things that I have to deal with. 

I have to embrace challenges even it could defeat me and make me sob in bed for a thousand times.   

You will be rejected in many ways for thousands of times but you are still on the way to success. Yet the moment you give up, you loose everything. Stay in the mode of neutral and keep going! Don't expect your ideal results would turn up naively. 

I have to believe hurting from the experience would be better off than regretting haven't done anything at all in life. 

I have to believe the old that would never change and I would be an fxxking idiot if I still hold any stupid hope in that. 

I have to believe the only way to protect myself is to keep away from everybody at a certain distance. 

Actions are more important than words. Silence is still gold. Think twice before open your mouth. 

Keep calm, be cool, and carry on. No one will pick you up. Life is a lonesome journey. Enjoy your sole trip!

Your heart would be stabbed hardly by every sentence she is going to say. Your soul would be trapped and beaten up in that apartment. But you chose to this road coz you want some challenge, some hopefully nice life events to take place is HK. So please hold on, hold on to the goodness. Work on your life and leave the saddest place in your life as soon as possible. Don't be annoyed by someone who have never loved you that's the most pointless thing to care about. 

Traveller VS tourist

When everybody asks me what I can do in such a boring city, I wonder what can they do in such a rush.  

It's not the traveller's fate who has never wanted to run away. Neither it is a tourist fault who doesn't always wanted to follow the guide's way. 

It's not hard to see a soul in the tranquility but you can never hear a word in the bustle. 

The traveller is here in her own pondering mode of discovery.

5th of September

Finally I lied down on bed at 9pm. It's September 5th today, a day has disappeared between my travelling from Paris to shanghai. 

I have no excitement to see my relatives though everyone of them has been very kind to me. 

My head is still spanning around and couldn't concentrated very well due to lack of sleep and the long flight. 

On my immediate arriving I realised that I am less happier than I was in Europe. I know the main reason deep down is that I have to deal things with my parents and that something I dare to say is the most disgusting thing in my life and I have been escaping all my life. I don't know what I hate them so much, I just hate them they disgust me. I don't want to see them in the rest of my life but I have no choice and I have to deal things and live with them. Everything single word they said cast a pressure  on me and make me want to leave them. My life is much happier without them. I have to leave them. I think this is my fate and the way I can enjoy happiness in life. 

I know what to do. I desperately need financial help. But the same time I know no one can help me. I have to make a decision. I have to take side again. 

Calm down

Calm down and relax

This is not the end of the world

You are just outside the closet hell

Look! There are beautiful girls

Look! There are innocent souls 

Look! There are benevolent hearts

And do look up too

There is also a rainbow over your head

Someone is waving this rainbow flag

Come, and tell them you are not just a fag

Live, to show them we are all grand

And There is no regret

Don't lie to yourself

The whole world could lie to me but never did my instinct

The big crowd might have overlooked you but never did my eyes 

Life is too short for all sort of reasonings

Why should love need a reason 

Use nothing to fight your passion

Artist

I overheard an english tour guide saying this interesting comments to the visitors in the Vatican Museum yesterday. She said "If you are not an artist, you can be an art teacher. If you can't teach, you can be a critic." This is a point with a strong sense of humour. 

I'd like to add a sentence though. " If you don't like criticising, you can be an admirer. " Surely you will be more popular in that way. 

The right person

Whenever I tell someone I am bored they suggest me to talk to people here and there. I hope they know that it is those people who have actually bored me? I wish someone will understand that I am not lonely but just bored and when I say I am bored I need a cup of coffee with a great book rather than those thoughtless boring human beings. 

Concentrate, focus, calm down, carry on

Remember in the old days when you wanted to get something done? You strive all your energy and wills concentrating on one thing quietly and against all odds until its done. Remember the feeling of doing it and the achievement of accomplishing it?  It's all for yourself, lonely and maybe useless for everyone else but you enjoy it. Let's get this feeling back and get something done!

當大部分人都在關注你飛得高不高時

當大部分人都在關注你飛得高不高時，只有少部分人關心你飛得累不累，這就是 友情。❤

再忙，也要照顧好自己，

朋 友 雖不常聯繫，卻一直 惦念。😊

天涼時記著多穿衣！😊

世界好 友周快樂！❤

少喝奶茶、不吃剛烤好的麵包，遠離正在充電的電源。😊

白天多喝水，晚上少喝，一天不喝多於兩杯的咖啡。😊

少吃油多的食物， 最佳睡眠為晚上十點至早上六點😊

晚上五點後少吃大餐，每天喝酒不超過一杯。😊

不用冷水服膠囊， 睡前半小時服藥忌立刻躺下。😊 

睡眠不足八小時人會變笨，。午睡習慣的人不易老。😊

手機電池剩一格時不要打電話， 剩一格時輻射是平時的一千倍。😊

要用左耳接電話， 用右耳會直 接傷害到大腦。😊

2012新概念😊

一個中心：一切以健康為中心。

兩個基本點：😊

遇事瀟灑一點， 看世糊塗一點。

三個忘記：😊

忘記年齡，忘記過去，忘記恩怨。

四個擁有：😊

無論你有多弱或多強，一定要:

擁有真正愛你的人，

擁有知心的朋 友 ，

擁有向上的事業，

擁有溫暖的住所。

五個要：😊

要唱，要跳，要俏，要笑，要苗條。

六個不能：😊

不能餓了才吃，

不能渴了才喝，

不能睏了才睡，

不能累了才歇，

不能病了才檢查，

不能老了再後悔。

備忘錄

創作原文

香港電臺知名主持人梁繼璋曾給兒子寫過一封信，這封信很快流傳於各大網站，很多父親看後感觸很深，我覺得不只給兒子，其實適合所有人看！

最喜歡最後一句“無論愛不愛，

下輩子都不會再見”。

我兒：寫這備忘錄給你，

基於三個原則：

　　（一）人生福禍無常，誰也不知可以活多久，有些事情還是早一點說好。

    （二）我是你的父親，我不跟你說，沒有人會跟你說。

　　（三）這備忘錄裡載的，都是我經過慘痛失敗得回來的體驗，可以為你的成長省回不少冤枉路。

　　以下，便是你在人生中要好好記住的事：

　　（一）對你不好的人，你不要太介懷，在你一生中，沒有人有義務要對你好，除了我和你媽媽。至於那些對你好的人，你除了要珍惜、感恩外，也請多防備一點，因為，每個人做每件事，總有一個原因，他對你好，未必真的是因為喜歡你，請你必須搞清楚，而不必太快將對方看作真朋友。

　　（二）沒有人是不可代替，沒有東西是必須擁有。看透了這一點，將來你身邊的人不再要你，或許失去了世間上最愛的一切時，也應該明白，這並不是什麼大不了的事。

　　（三）生命是短暫的，今日你還在浪費著生命，明日會發覺生命已遠離你了。因此，愈早珍惜生命，你享受生命的日子也愈多，與其盼望長壽，倒不如早點享受。

　　（四）世界上並沒有最愛這回事，愛情只是一種霎時的感覺，而這感覺絕對會隨時日、心境而改變。如果你的所謂最愛離開你，請耐心地等候一下，讓時日慢慢沖洗，讓心靈慢慢沉澱，你的苦就會慢慢淡化。不要過分憧憬愛情的美，不要過分誇大失戀的悲。

　　（五）雖然很多有成就的人士都沒有受過很多教育，但並不等於不用功讀書，就一定可以成功。你學到的知識，就是你擁有的武器。人，可以白手興家，但不可以手無寸鐵，謹記！

　　（六）我不會要求你供養我下半輩子，同樣地我也不會供養你的下半輩子，當你長大到可以獨立的時候，我的責任已經完結。以後，你要坐巴士還是Benz（賓士），要自己負責。

　　（七）你可以要求自己守信，但不能要求別人守信，你可以要求自己對人好，但不能期待人家對你好。你怎樣對人，並不代表人家就會怎樣對你，如果看不透這一點，你只會徒添不必要的煩惱。

　　 （八）我買了十多二十年彩票，還是一窮二白，連三獎也沒有中，這證明人要發達，還是要努力工作才可以，世界上並沒有免費午餐。

　　（九）親人只有一次的緣分，無論這輩子我和你會相處多久，也請好好珍惜共聚的時光，下輩子，無論愛與不愛，都不會再見。

非常喜歡這段話

非常喜歡這段話 

         

山有山的高度，水有水的深度，沒必要攀比，每個人都有自己的長處；

風有風的自由，雲有雲的溫柔，沒必要模仿，每個人都有自己的個性。

你認為快樂的，就去尋找；

          

你認為值得的，就去守候；

你認為幸福的，就去珍惜。

依心而行，無憾今生。

人生1條路：

走自己的路；

人生2件寶：

身體好、心情好。

人生有4苦：

看不透、舍不得、輸不起、放不下。

人生5句話：

再難也要堅持，再好也要淡泊，再差也要自信，再多也要節省，再冷也要熱情。

人生6財富：

身體、知識、夢想、信念、自信、骨氣。

同意!  請轉!  

          

今天是世界朋友日，送給你最好的朋友，想起誰，送給誰!

1st of August

Record of 1st of August

Overnight bus is tiring, day time bus is boring, flight is expensive ..... Too much complaint I know. I am totally bored on this 4-hour journey from Vilnius to Riga today. Despite my poor sleep last night, I have no invention for a nap. The man sits next to me looks young and kind of professional but I reckon he doesn't speak much English. The rest of passengers are mostly old people. The whole bus is so dull and dead. 

Looking out my window, Europe is still very green despite rapid modern development after Soviet retreat in 1989. Fresh air is still available even in the city centres. Lives here wouldn't be very interesting but would be a health one. 

Today is quite cloudy and the clouds are floating in the rather low sky that makes you feel like you can almost touch them. Believe or not, I am quite sure the sky in Europe is lower than most places in the world. 

Somehow I am not quite sure why I am on the way to Riga now. I know nothing about this place and nothing there would seem interest me. But I cannot stop here and go back. And go back to where? Perpetual travelling seems the only way can go. The only way!? If there is a way!?

Heart ache

My heart was aching/itching again in the last few days. As usual its not very painful, just uncomfortable. It's like being squeezed genetly by someone who doesn't want to kill me but playing me in his/her hand. Its still bearable though. Sometimes I can almost feel that I have less time than everyone else I knew. What if today is my last day on earth? I am not afraid of dying just afraid of not living well enough. Besides, I still don't understand life. 

Perhaps we should never meet

 Meeting new friends is always a challenge to me. I have this delayed -response- syndromes when I am with something/someone new. I need more time to process/analysis before I could response. Sometimes  the process takes too long that the situation has moved on to another that I couldn't manage to give a feedback on time. This restarted part of me gives my new fiends an impression that I am no more than a dumb. Although the first impression is often not correct but it strikes hard on one's memory.  However, in most cases, it's not that I am really such a stupid, its that my instinct refuses to give silly and unnecessary comments. Sadly silence is not always gold. Somehow I failed in giving new friends a comprehensive picture of me. As a result I failed in making new friends. 

Perhaps we should never meet!

Changes

I can't deny that many years have past by and changes are shown everywhere in my hometown. The changes are in such a scale that I cannot handle all in a sudden sometimes. 

My grandmother has been the centre/root of the family who links to branches, that is her children and then leaves, her grandchildren and grand grand children. This is called the family tree. The root plays the most important role in linking up other parts of the tree. The grandparents are the root of the tree who connect every member in the family. Ever since my grandmother passing away, the root has become less coherent and the bond has been less tight. A family tree could be in shaky afterwards.  

重游西湖

蘇堤楊柳仍依依

旅人單身尚隻影

十年西湖兩翻景

人生十截幾種情

Hot days in autumnn

It has been exceptionally hot in Ningbo. Temperature stays at 34 degrees after noon plus the humidity and pollution, no one would like to go out at these days. I am staying at my cousin's house waiting for the sun to set, waiting for time to pass.

My mind has been very relaxed and peaceful these days. Nothing is waiting a head for me to do. No one needs me or expecting me. I exist, like a particle floating in the air. It's not the regular me though, the one who is already restless and uneasy.

The closest thing to crazy

Sometimes I don't know if it's an affection or infection

If I need the doc or

I want to see a doc

My mind and emotions are certainly dragged to someone on the other side of the world who ironically I have never met before. 

Somehow I feel like I am dragged to some kind of craziness and it seems I am losing my reasoning too. 

If there is a fine line between insane and genius, I wish there is another invisible line between craziness and romanticism. I need the excuse to justify everything has been happening recently. 

These strange days and the stranger

I never had such a strong will to tell another person what has been happening around me. It's always my own business that I deal with myself, everything and anything. But this stranger has caught my mind these days. 

Yes it's ridiculous, as she put it. We never met, I barely knew her neither she knew me before. We just chatted. And we have chatted our lives for these three months. I want to tell her everything in my 30 years life and ever possible things in the future. 

But somehow I know I have to hold on. I have to remind myself the bruise I had before and the potential hurts. No one ever would give me a piece of tissue if I am hurt. 

But then somehow I completely trust this person, this stranger. Her childish views yet sometimes professional comments takes my reason away. I like to talk to her everyday and night. 

Ohh... Stranger...you better take everything from me if you can.  

Old man in the old hostel

This Linen Hostel is old enough that everything in the house seems have a long history. There also lives an old man. Well he is not that old but old enough to be called an old man. He told me that he stays in Ireland for six months in summer here then goes back to New Zealand when summer goes there. Thank goodness to the round globe that he can always has summer, well at least no need to go through winters. 

It seems he is quite lonely although I know nothing about him at all. He tries to approach me whenever I am in the hostel. It is true that I am traveling alone but it doesn't mean I need someone to talk to. I'd like to talk to some wise people, but definitely not to the one who just need someone to talk to. 

I remember I had strong urges to talk to someone a few years ago. With years went by, apparently I have become quieter. The need to get someone to share my life gets weaker somehow. I wonder if I would be in the condition like this old man when I am in his age though-desperately needed someone to talk to. 

Perhaps I don't need to worry about this issue as I might die a lot earlier. Anyhow, he reminds me that one should really develop one's personal interests and keep it up forever. We cannot always get someone when we are in need but we always find something we need. In my own case, a book, or a pen with a piece of paper I can leave the whole world alone. 

Belfast

I am staying in this Linen hostel, in Belfast now. It has been a few days already. I will be here until 28th when my flight leaves for Paris. Today is Sunday, everywhere is dead quiet, especially in the morning. This is a busy hostel people never stop coming in and out, but I can still find a quiet corner to do my work.

Organizing my stuff, my schedule, and my mind. I have to make sure I am always in one piece, knowing what I am doing all the time as no one will check for me.

Belfast is not a big city although it claims it has over a million population. Despite the hostel staff said that nobody go there on foot, I went to the Belfast Castle without taking any transportation yesterday. It took me about one hour to go up to the hill. Scenes in Ireland have disappointed me for so many times, so did the Belfast Castle, it's not surprisingly great but reasonably nice. It's okay. Tomorrow, I plan to see the Giant's Causeway. I came all the way to see the Giant's Causeway actually. Some said it's not that big so some people are disappointed when they see it. I always have an urge to reach the sea and standing at the edge of it. I just hope that I can stand on those giant hexagons and breath the sea wind tomorrow.  

Guinness

I am probably drinking my last can of Guinness in the spire hostel tonight. How does it taste? Well to me, all beers are similar, they share one common favour that's bitter. Whether like it? I would say, it's okay, not a bad drink. 

I have decided to go up to Belfast tomorrow for a change. Perhaps I need to walk out Republic of Ireland and look back to it and see if I should stay here for a few months or a year. 

These few days I struggle a lot due to the issue. I don't have an definite answer for my future. My intuition stopped working somehow. 

On the other hand though, those strangers talking me on the messenger drag my emotions even further. I feel like I am not in one piece sometimes. 

Nevertheless I know that staying at the same place and thinking the same issue wouldn't help. I need to get out from here at least for a while. 

Check yourself before you die

Check yourself before you die


1.I followed my heart and intuition.


This is your life, and it’s a short one. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let others put a cage around you. Try what you want to try. Go where you want to go. Follow your own intuition.


2.I said what I needed to say.


You must say what you need to say when you need to say it. It may be your only chance to do so. Don’t censor yourself. Speak the truth. Your truth.

3.I did what I needed to do.


The greatest gift extraordinarily successful people have over average people is their ability to get themselves to take action – to physically do something about getting from where they are now to where they want to be. And no, it won’t be easy. But in the end, suffering from the pain of discipline while you do what you need to do is a whole lot easier than suffering from the regret and disappointment of never fulfilling any of your dreams.


4.I made a difference.


In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. Doing something nice for someone can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world.

5. I know what true love is.

Relationships must be chosen wisely. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.


Love is beautiful and unpredictable. The best thing you can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible. The universe will know when you are ready, and when you are, true love will happen, unexpectedly.


6. I am happy and grateful.

Very little is needed to create happiness. It is all within you, in your way of thinking.


A big part of this is simply being grateful for what you have. Look around. Appreciate the things you have right now. Many people aren’t so lucky.

7.I am proud of myself.


You are your own best friend and your own biggest critic. Being proud of yourself is also known as having strong self-esteem. Being proud isn’t bragging about how great you are. It’s more like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot. Acknowledge your positive qualities, and when you come across a quality in yourself that you aren’t proud of, don’t sulk in your sorrows, proactively work on correcting it.


8.I became the best version of me.


Remember, at any given moment, you are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be.

9.I forgave those who hurt me.


Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

10. I have no regrets.

Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what you need to do fulfill your dreams. Say what you need to say. Be kind to others. Offer a helping hand when you’re able. Love those who deserve to be loved, and cherish the bond you share. Appreciate all the things you do have. Smile. Celebrate your small victories. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t change.

Stockholm

The journey from the airport to the Stockholm city centre takes one and a half hour. It is probably the longest journey between airport and city centre I have ever took. It feels like I an travelling from one country to another. While most people are either taking naps or playing their handsets, I take the chance to write something down. 

"We all in the dance" is my favourite song   these days which I downloaded accidentally from an app. My ears have been plugged on for the whole day today that I feel a little bit sore. But I am still listening to the music now. 

In Stockholm I will be surfing in a guy's apartment who lives in the university. This is my second time surfing in somebody's couch. Last time was in Bratislava, Slovakia in Brano's apartment. Couch surfing is definitely a great idea. It opens opportunity to many things. The surfer can get a free staying while meeting someone from the local. The host can also get to know some from another side of the world from their homes. There is a chance and there is risk of course. It is always like that. I hope this would be a nice staying.  

These days I hope more and get more positive. 

Rainy night in Tallinn

It's a rainy night in Tallinn. Pub crawlers become TV addicts, the common room is therefore full of people. The program showing now doesn't seem to be a good one, people are watching just because it's still not the time to bed. 

I felt very tired yesterday due to overnight bus from st. Petersburg the night before. Even now I am not fully recovered. My body is telling me that I am not young anymore that I should avoid any long distance overnight journey. 

St. Petersburg is huge and it's totally different from its nearby cities like Tallinn or Riga. With population more than five millions and the gateway to the Baltic Sea, it's a very busy city especially in summer time. People walk in fast pace like those in HK, many buildings are under construction or renovation, you can spot tourists in every street, in short, this is a fast moving metropolis. Having read some history about Peter the I in advance I learned its gonna be a big city but never expected it is in that size. This is also the only city that I like to have my ears plugged with music when I am walking in the street. 

I will be staying in Tallinn for 3 more days. During the time I will have a trip to Helsinki by ferry which I will have to arrange it by tomorrow.

Many things need to be arranged but the most important thing is to let my old body having a rest!

Crossing Russian boarder

At 14:40 local time, the bus stopped its engine at the boarder between Estonia and Russia. Our passports are taken to be stamped or more seriously, checked. everybody is waiting, waiting to move on in their own mood. 

This is the 2nd time I have my passport checked. The last time was before entering dresden, Germany. That was pretty fast and easy. This time I think we have to wait for quite awhile. 

It seems the bus is full of Russians, I couldn't tell where they come from originally by appearance, but at least i know that they speak Russian, including the driver. Throughout the journey so far, not a word in English is heard. I am a bit worry if Russians speak English? The owner of the hostel in Tallinn has already warned me that Russians don't speak much English. I could be in trouble. 

Nevertheless, i couldn't not miss the unesco list of St Petersburg especially when it's only 8 hours away from Tallinn. 

I don't know what sort of people are on the bus, but they seems all quite serious. Not much smile at all. I can sort of feel the tension between the east and the west if I put myself into the Cold War time. 

On the bus

Overnight bus is tiring, day time bus is boring, flight is expensive ..... Too much complaint I know. I am totally bored on this 4-hour journey from Vilnius to Riga today. Despite my poor sleep last night, I have no invention for a nap. The man sits next to me looks young and kind of professional but I reckon he doesn't speak much English. The rest of passengers are mostly old people. The whole bus is so dull and dead. 

Looking out my window, Europe is still very green despite rapid modern development after Soviet retreat in 1989. Fresh air is still available even in the city centres. Lives here wouldn't be very interesting but would be a health one. 

Today is quite cloudy and the clouds are floating in the rather low sky that makes you feel like you can almost touch them. Believe or not, I am quite sure the sky in Europe is lower than most places in the world. 

Somehow I am not quite sure why I am on the way to Riga now. I know nothing about this place and nothing there would seem interest me. But I cannot stop here and go back. And go back to where? Perpetual travelling seems the only way can go. The only way!? If there is a way!?