5th of September

Finally I lied down on bed at 9pm. It's September 5th today, a day has disappeared between my travelling from Paris to shanghai. 

I have no excitement to see my relatives though everyone of them has been very kind to me. 

My head is still spanning around and couldn't concentrated very well due to lack of sleep and the long flight. 

On my immediate arriving I realised that I am less happier than I was in Europe. I know the main reason deep down is that I have to deal things with my parents and that something I dare to say is the most disgusting thing in my life and I have been escaping all my life. I don't know what I hate them so much, I just hate them they disgust me. I don't want to see them in the rest of my life but I have no choice and I have to deal things and live with them. Everything single word they said cast a pressure  on me and make me want to leave them. My life is much happier without them. I have to leave them. I think this is my fate and the way I can enjoy happiness in life. 

I know what to do. I desperately need financial help. But the same time I know no one can help me. I have to make a decision. I have to take side again.