走到那個地方的盡頭

昨日和朋友C同M又去行那一座已行了無數次的柏架山. 以極慢的速度, 我們用了二個小時左右就到了[大風坳], 離山頂只一段小路. M說要回家, 我說要到山頂, C在我們兩者之間. 最後我在極不願意下被C拉了下山.

記得在澳洲,我同屋的一個朋友,曾經帶我及去過一個沙灘. 經過一個多小時時速100多公里的旅途後, 我們到達了那沙灘. 她泊好了車後, 一班人還要走一段路才能到逹. 可以把腳印在糼沙上的時候, 我們都已疲憊了, 誰都忙著坐下來休息. 坐在沙灘上,遠望夕陽把籃色的天空分成幾層, 從紅色到紫紅色, 再紫從籃色到淡籃色, 以至白色. 海風又送走了日間的煩擾. 我們從心底裡感到無限滿足, 都感到可以回去了. 但她卻說:[不,我們要走到去沙灘的盡頭.] 這句簡單的說話,對我來說卻有一股很大的力量. 千里紹紹來到一個地方, 難道就不多走幾步, 放眼到最遠的極處? 在她的帶領下,我們走到了最遠處, 看到了最美的景色. 自此以後, 每去到一個地方, 我都要走到那個地方的盡頭-Reach the end!

行了無數次柏架山,我還沒有到過山頂,原因是跟我一起行山的人都沒有這決心,更不知道走到盡頭的那種快感. 這次行山是我最不快的一次經歷.

最無聊的是,走到山腳後, 我們都各自回家. 各走各路. 既然在山下有這樣的結果, 何必不在山上分道揚鑣呢?

也許我早應該習慣, 路, 還是要我一個人自己走......唉......

The Last day of Easter Holiday

The Last day of Easter Holiday is sunny. I realized it before I got out of my bed. And the sunny day passed me by before I realized it.

I spent my first Easter Holiday at home drawing a picture of my cat which I felt awful. Looking at the picture I realized how far me and drawing are parted. We found each other strangers.
What to do and what to draw seem two questions that ever last and halt my life progress. And staying these question again again is something I hate myself the most.

after some years

Ever since we stepped out our schools, we were parted at the highway which leads us to some diversified destinations. Although we all living in the same city, we ended at different stops after a few years. Some have already told me they are getting marry this year and some just told they are getting marry next year. Some are just fell in love while some, are still single. There are also some turning to a Mater or PHD. A lot of changes and a lot of stories to tell, every time we gather together.

A snese of ...many..less

On my way to work this morning, I saw a young female vagrant who I use to see in the area. I once thought she looks like a friend of mine. I looked at her for a few more seconds this time and I realized she does not look like my friend, but rather like me.

I feel like she and I are equally poor, mentally in particular. She must have a god damned awful home, so that she has to wandering in street like a deserted dog or cat, I assume. She is not the only one in the same street, I realized at that moment.

Now that I really have to interrupt my plan and move out as soon as possible or else I would not be only mentally like the vagrant, but also physically. I think I have been mentally homeless for too long and have long lost the concept of home, the only memory left is the sense of a good night sleep which I have been long for too.

So, I have to take this delayed action. Sadly, when I look around, I got nothing but an enhanced sense of nothinglessness.

無間道阿仁在心理醫生那處睡的那張沙發床...

當我累的時候, 當我的家我的床不能給我安靜, 當我感到我是無處可歸的浪流者, 我會想起無間道中的阿仁... 妒忌地想著, 也只可以想著...假若我可以倘在心理醫生的那張沙發床上...讓我可以被催眠,進入不知名國度, 睡到直到...直到我可以忘記這個世界所有的不快...