Runing

I went for a run along the seaside downstairs last night. I thought I would be the only soul doing a stupid thing to exhaust the too relaxed body. But no. There were plenty of runners running for different reasons.

It felt good to feel hot in the winter. It felt good to get this body to move and all the cells to bounce.

It should be continued tonight.  

True or false

Cry to show your strength in tears
Shut yourself up to release anger in the air
Opening your heart to the nothingness to show people
Laugh to let tears fall to test your sense of humor
Making sense out of bullshit always works if you can
Theories are doctrines is the Uni
Traditions are cultural norms in the society

Ever since......after all.....I still stumble and fall in the perfect balance......
Catching every piece of nice shit falls from the snowfalls

Discipline

Self-discipline, disciplining myself!
Isn't the self belong to ourselves?
Yet, how much control do we have over our mind and body?

Behave like your age!
Act like you are supposed to perform!
Do what you are supposed to do!
Just do it!

Sounds so easy. But can you really make yourself to complete what are you supposed to do everyday?

If you are idle, be not solitary, if you are solitary, be not idle!---At least try not to be.

Rather be rejected than regret

I am used to be rejected anyway, wouldn't bother one more. I am not used to regret though, would never want to get used to it. So I applied this program even though I don't have any advantage anyway. I'd rather be rejected than regretting not giving it a try.

Learned to expect nothing already, in any aspect of life.

Surprise likes reality.

Try, what I want to try before I run out of time and interests, is my new motto.

Whatever it comes out, life goes on.

I am flying my kite

Autumn breeze touches my skin
Dry cool air dries out my dream
To fly my kite it's time in the wind

To the big blue blue sky I throw
From my heart I knew I have to let it go
The more I let go, the more I am in control

And in the deep purple sky of the winter night
I will find the stars mimicking my kite
Blinking and hinting me how to win the fight

With my eyes I am pulling the line of my kite
Not with strength I used to fight
But in the hope of seeing the silver light

Midnight Tallinn

I was talking through the old town of Tallinn on my return from Helsinki that night I remember, no one was in the street and except a few lights in restaurants there wasn't a soul. Immediately, I found that moment was reflecting my whole life and asked to myself, was it too lonely, couldn't I make a change, get myself involve into something?

Suddenly that strong feeling from that moment echoed in my heart today. I am still holding on.

Slowing down

I am not sure if it is my age that has taken me to another pace in life or I had been running all the way in the past, everything seems slowed down at my thirties. I don't wanna rush anymore, I wanna walk my life in a different mode. I guess it is this attitude that has regulated the speed of my inner clock. If I don't take this as a sign of aging, I should be great to live with the new manner.

Lazy Saturday

It isn't easy to keep the entry going everyday. Sometimes my mind got messes up that I couldn't put a thing in a clear line while the other time I just have nothing worth to put it down. Most of the time, though were because I was lazy.

Today was quite a peaceful Saturday that I spent the whole day at home to get rest. Catching a flu is not a big deal but the aftereffects that your body and mind couldn't work as the way they do in their healthy days is frustrating. I couldn't concentrate for a words and get tired often under the influence of sickness plus medication. Somehow I also felt a bit down and depressed. Know that this kind of feelings won't be treated by doctors as they only know to deal with the virus, I didn't bother visiting them at all. Plenty of tables and pills from pharmacy can help my bodily illness. While the side effects of light depression, I believe, could be healed with time by itself.

What can I a patient do with something productive at home?  I chose to do something that can entertain me while I can take rest and relax at the same time, I watched a movie called the Stories We Tell.

Stay with positive people

I finally started to get to know myself more at my thirties. To know oneself requires constant self-questioning, self-evaluation and self-reflecting. More importantly, one also needs to be honest to oneself and learn from other people's responses.

Through the ways of people's behaviours, I realized what sorts of people I want to get close to and vice verse in order to gain positive energy and avoid being effected negatively. Emotions are contingious and I am the type who would be easily affected. In this case, I should stay with people who could release positive energies to me so that I could be infected positively. Having this kind of thinking does not mean I am selfish but rather a wise way of avoiding destructive results as two negative people put together would never bring anyone happiness. 

I have to make choices. Stay firm stay positive stay calm.