Record of depressed days

Depression has attacked me these days in the beginner of Autumn. I am especially emotional, overly sensitive to almost everything I encounter daily. I saw a dead possum on the road to work and a dead Australian parrot under a tree near Hurstville Station. I was about to believe that they were the apocalypse to the end of the world. I am not sure if the negative feeling that I am perceiving  now is due to the gloomy weather or because of those recent awful natural disasters. Everything in my eyes is grey and nothing worths a smile, a laugh or a sympathy. Sleep wasn't good these nights too. A through night sleep has become a precious sweet dream. The book I have been reading has only move a few pages. Rolling my eyes from one line to another demands a lot of concentration. I tried to draw my attentions to the classical musics. Some help made by Bach, others were useless. I wrote a few lines after trying to switch my energy to writing Chinese traditional poem. But it seems the poem brought up even more sensations. My toy, Rubik's Cube could not bring as much as joy as it did before. I doubt if there is any other way I can switch my emotion from negative to positive. May time helps........

Blank

The joy and pain could go together when I have to put something into one sentence. The feeling becomes effective again when I release what I feel and then I feel it again when I read it through. This is thr problem of writing.

Man made war VS war against nature

One side of world, far north in Japan, human beings are flight their lives against the aftermath of 9.0 earthquake plus tsunami took place on 11th of March, on the other side of the world, the coalition force of France, the US and UK has launched attacks at Libya today. Today, 20-March in half of the world and 19-March in the other half of the world, with the biggest and brighter moon in 19 years, human beings still are fighting, one for their own lives, one for others lives. I am sure if we are we living in the civilized world that is advanced from barbarism?

Personally, my mind and body are fighting each other. I woke at 4am this morning, not sure if it's due to the heaviest down pour in some 3 years in Sydney or because of some other reasons. I played some games from my phone and surfed Internet with my laptop for about an hour. Although I managed to get back to sleep about 5am, I didn't sleep deep and got up at 8am on my holiday. My body and mind don't cooperate and work in the same clock. Strange enough though, I don't feel a least bit sleepy today with such an irregular sleeping habit. I read quite a lot, but had no serious thing done. I hope it's not bad to end the day.

......

Believe or not, it's addictive to watch disaster videos of Japan's terrible erathquake and tusnami. I can't help watching the clips from CNN, one after one.......

the quake

I am completely overwhelmed. Looking at the images of Japan's Earthquake and Tsunami from the TV, I am still shocked, after 3 days the quake took place. Mother earth is so powerful, it can take everything away you ever have, including the faith you have to lead a proper life. Living in an area constantly under the threat of natural distresses, most people would avoid long plannings.  Now that Japan has a risk of nuclear release that might affect a wide range of residences nearby too. The word catastrophe does not have enough meanings to describe the current statues of the Japanese people. There is a aftermath they have to go through in future.

Sigh..... human beings are just some powerless creatures in a blue spot in the magnificent universe. Everything I see makes me feel so small, helpless and weak.

Is there a god who is going to take over everything soon?

the abnormal beats

Trying to conmort my self. Relaxing my heart and mind doesn't seem aneasy thing to do these days. I hear my heart beating, I know it's been in the status of restless for a while, but I don't know what is the cause. Is there something going to happen? Something bad would fall on me? I don't know I can relax myself, and so I can't enjoy life, not in a bit.

I am here alone, my life, my body is all I have. What can I worrry? What do I scar of? I own nothing, and so I have nothing to lose.

I shouldn't have anything to worry, but I just can't easy my heart, can't slow down my heart beat. Why?