Day-off at Antie Lydia's Place

Nothing nicer than going to antie Lydia's house on my day-off. Yesterday was one of the good days there. They prepared BBQ dinner for me and one of her friends and her friend's 2-year baby. Simple but nice and warm. They are so generous and always makes me feel like home every time I go there. I always worry that going ther might bother them and give Lydia too much work though.

Carmen, their daughter is a growing-up girl of 14 now. As a high school teenager, she is now more aware of her academic results than she was 5 years ago, when she was still a primary kid. Competition among schools, comparison among classmates, ranking in the same grade, so on and so forth, all kind of these signals reminding her that this is a world she has to race with others everywhere. Life is not as easy as thoes days. I can feel the pressure she is feeling now actually. Back then, many many years ago, I was one of the teens who experienced the same tough times anyway. Luckily though, she has got considerate parents who support and look after her health and well being. Being a elderly friend, I just want her to know that everyone has their own strengthens and weaknesses. Some are good at music, some are poor language, some might have talent in sports, some might afraid of speech. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. So what one to make the most out from life? How can I passes all the tests that are lying in front of me? In my belief, should make good use of their strengthness and take the given advantages to benefit the community. In other words, we should try not to compare our weakness with somebody else's strengthness. There is no point doing it. On the other hand, we should try to work on our strenthness to build up our self-confidence. For our weakbnesses, we only have to reach the bench mark to fullfill the system requirement. Last but not least, we should not let worries eat away our present days.

I feel I am an old grandma talking about all these. I just want her to know, as long as she has tried her best, she doesn't have to worry too much about the result. And sometimes, it is the process, but not the result, that teaches and gives us the tastes of fullfillment and satisfacations.

She will sooner know that life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get.

My Housemate P

My housemate P has officially moved out today. In Manly, she rent a room and shared with someone else she doesn't know much. The new place is closer to her new school and she can save a lot time on travelling.

Thinking that she might not come over to Hurstville that often, I decided to invite her for a dinner after work. We met up at Coles at 5pm and from there, I decided to walk to the seashore which I can barely saw it from the top of King George Road on my home. Although I checked the walk distance to there by Google map is about 38 minute, I was unsure how to get there from Hurstville exactly. Believing that the globe is rounded, that means we can go back to the original point at the end wherever to start, we never scared about getting lost. It took almost an hour to get the shore, and of course, we doubt if that was the right way. But we made it there at 6pm anyway. We sat on the concrete bench and took some stupid photos. The sun sets really fast and it gets dark quickly. Stayed there just a little while, we we walked along Kings George Road back to Hurstville to have dinner at a Malaysian restaurant which just opened a few days ago. The dishes were fine but it only scored 7.5 out of ten from our harsh tasting judgement.

It's hard to have a nice housemate. P is quite a good one and she is quite considerate, kind and beautiful. Sadly but quite frankly, the one who lives with you might not be the one who you have chosen to most of the time in your life, not to mention you like the person or not. I just wanna have a place where I can have good sleep after all. This simple quest could never be early achieved in my adulthood life especially when I have nasty housemates or neighbours.

I think I will miss my housemate P.

Life is a rollercoaster

Life is a rollercoaster in which I mean you don't just go ups and downs, you don't have control over it and can't get out it as well. One minute things can go right, the other moment you could be driven to the left. All in a sudden, you might be standing still and starts to fall. haha..... interesting enough, but that's not something wanted by everybody.

I was told to go for a short trip to NZ to work as a tour guide for week this afternoon and then it has all called off tonight, a minute ago. One thing I knew in the minute could be totally different from another minute. I feel like I am a ball, kicking my everyone, to all directions, rolling and rolling. How many things out of my life are in my control?

月下獨酌 ----- 後現代版

月下獨酌 ----- 後現代版

後園一打酒，薯片二三包。
身型且不願，月影無心辨。
月既不善情，獨醉又何妨。
暫棄千秋夢，當醉應及時。
我歌樹聲和，我舞影隨伴。
醉時歡共興，醒後不必認。
逍遙獨遊人，無情勝有情。

Running

Running. I went to running with my housemate after work in this Sunday afternoon. From Penshursts to Mortdale and all the way back, in one and a half hour, we finised the journey and back home with half a chicken for dinner. I am now feeling a little bit sleep, but I felf geat when I was running and at dinner. Any exercise deprives our energy but it gives back more in a positve way afterwards. Isn't it amazing. I love running. I can think, I can talk, I can't left myself up in a strange way when I am running. I have been running in life too. I have run this far to here. I am still running. I am on the run.......

There is nothing I want to keep

Can't remember from when I started to worry about having too much things at home. It was 5 years ago I think, from the day I lost the sense of being at home and having a home.

I used to buy things, a lot of things. Tiny decorative toys, vases, shells, etc., I will buy them without thinking too much and worrying about money as long as I think I could present them in a way to make my home wamer and nicer. I also like to collect books, bookmarks, stamps, letter from friends, motto from famous scholars, etc. In my memory, my room was full of papers. I didn't worry about if my assect would get stolen, the only thing I scared of was home catching a fire and my collections got burned into ashes.

I don't know what have changed me, I tried not to keep things as less as possible. I brought clothes only for functional use. I only read books which I borrow from the library. Stuffs in my desk drawers became less and less as I threw more things away every time I clean my room. There's no physical things which I want to keep at home or at the place I stay. I wanted to minize everything I had. The less stuff I have, the happier I am.

This motivation gets even strong when I started my travel life last year. Everything I buy I would consider if it would add burden to my luggage when I move on. I wouldn't buy any books since they would occupy large space my suitcase. I try not to buy anything except food for my survival in short.

The idea of keeping things as less as possible attackes me today when I went to buy a pair of shoes and a shirt which I needed to wear at work as required by the boss. With such a feeling on mind, shopping has become a kind of an unpleasent struggle. I should have brought them long ago if that feeling didn't win last time.

Tired. Sick.

I am very tired today. Not sure if it's because of work, or if it's because I lost too much energy on the negative thinkings and tears I shouldn't fall 2 days ago. I never had such a tired feeling in OZ before.

It hasn't been that great at work in Sydney. Not to mention that work envoirnment here is no difference from HK, the boss has also been the most emotional kind I have ever met so far. It seems she has poured over all her worries about her businees over me. I think I look like the kind of being which everybody can attack on. I hate myself sometimes being so weak. But I just not the kind of person who likes to argue, explain and behave like a hypocrate. I just want to be honest to myself. Besides, talk to those who has lost their control doesn't help anyway.

I can't tell how much I hate the Chinese work culture. Nono of the employer respects their employees in my experience. All of them believe shouting at their employees is acceptable in any condition, even if they are wrong themselves. What's on their mind? Why can't they just be a respecatable person who respect everyone as are born to be equal in this world under the law in OZ and also under the command of whatever gods?

Sigh....money is power not knowledge in the dark age like today.

Sigh is the best sign to conclude.

Sigh

The cat

I drank some wine tonight, my brian are not working properly. It's not out of my control, it's not in a stable condition. I can still write and think and analyse how bad/well it is.

There is a cat which likes sitting at the doorway of the house during the time I go to work. I saw it again this morning on my way to work. I came across the road to pad on it deliberatly. Without reasonable reason, I knew it likes me to and sense it that I won't do any harm on it. This gentle touch with a pet, especially with cats, alway gives me some kind of warm feeling. It like someone understand me and able to sense how I feel in some way. Strange. But I can't explain anymore. Sometimes I perfer to go along with cats more than human beings. I doubt if I belong to this world.

After the quake

It's been 3 days after magnitude 7.1 earthquake took place in Christchurch, New Zealand, and still, no one has reported dead due to the quake directly, only 2 seriously injured. This is not not only a piece of serious natural disasterous news, it's also an amazing news. I can't imagine if that size of earthquake took place in China or other developing countries and what would be the death toll. There have been a lot of lucky escapes though.

Can't let out anymore

When you are holding something too much for too long, you could not let it out. There are is a counter effect, especially when you are holding too much emotions inside, you simply lose the ability to make it out. And that's why people get sick and become mentally ill.

Is it already too late for me?

One has to protect once's feeling after all. Your physical life can be saved by others, but no one can save your soul. Your body can be trained through doing exercises, I have no idea how to harden my heart though. I have no emotional weapons to defence myself. Surrounding my hands over my body doesn't seem to help. I can only let myself die and reborn