Drifter

restless, uneasy and uncomfortable

2012-02-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

Feeling restless, uneasy and uncomfortable all times in Hong Kong, especially lately. I don't why, I just can't be relaxed, can't focus on my book. Is it because the environment or my current situation? I need a doctor. Sigh.....this is the illness that the doc can't help!!

Password cleaning

2012-01-22T13:56:00.000+08:00

It is the last day in the year according to the Chinese year calendar. Most people do their house cleaning while I decided to do my password cleaning. Over my 10 year plus digital life, I have created countless usernames and passwords that I couldn't remember all of them. I knew I would forget one so i have written them down in a piece of paper in a little book. It's of course not a good idea and safe method but one way to keep it anyway. They are not important stuff but very interesting to remember when I look back here and now. Graffiti.com; websamba.com; geocities.com; the counters; mynedstat.com; bcentral.com; wheretogo; free webpage; chatterbox; ofoto;......etc., these pages have died and disappeared in the fast going internet age. They have played very important roles in the my early digital life especially in the period I develop my personal website over Geocities, which died a few years ago. However, some strong and lucky ones are still existing, Flyordie, Xanga, webshots. etc. Some died but revived again recently like ICQ. They are still under changes.

I checked them and clear some outdated ones, but the leftovers, are still a problem.

black friday effect

2012-01-16T20:07:00.000+08:00

Still feeling so bad today, after 3 days rest already. The energy just doesn't go through my body. It's suck to be sick.

On last black Friday, I sent myself to the Emergency room by terrible stomachache. The pain wasn't that bad that feels like killing you, but you just couldn't focus on anything. I waited only 1 hour to see the on duty doctor and was given a tablet to test if I was suffered from his guessed problem. But I was still in pain after an hour. I was then taken to have more tests. After 2 x-rays and a blood test, I was still in pain for 8 hours, and the course was still unknown.

It will be left unknown forever I guess. I refused to stay in the hospital and was then discharged with some medicines.

The pain is far less than before today, but I still couldn't fully concentrate, feel tired easily, and I guess I look terrible too.

Your life can really be affected by your neighbour

2012-01-11T14:06:00.000+08:00

It's so hard get a good night sleep in my current home in Hong Kong. My disgusting and sick neighbour makes noise every mid-night, sometimes at 1am sometimes a little bit later, most of times are at those hours that people desperately need to be falling in sleep. It is so worse that even when I am almost falling in sleep I am scared that I might be wake up by the noise soon. I put my earplugs on every night already but the sound can go through the windows at night easily. So I sleep more hours than usual but still feel tired everyday. This is such a awkwardly sick feeling and situation that nobody gonna understand me in a faintest way. This might be a subtle thing in our everyday life but those who have experience would how bad and serious that could cause to somebody's well-being. But if you are not the suffering person you wouldn't know how bag it feels and how desperate it is to be not understand by people around you.

It's been more than 3 years already. It's nobody's trouble so in nobody's care. I knew deep down that's one of the reasons why i tried to escape from this home. I am reluctant to change without a human being's understanding and help. So I guess I reacted by human instant and nature, I leave. Hoping that the problem might change through time but it didn't.

Check with yourself before you die

2012-01-06T12:02:00.000+08:00

[双语]临死前敢不敢对自己说出这10句话？

原文地址：http://9840.cn/xueyingyu/316,461.html

1.I followed my heart and intuition.
我听从了我的内心，跟随了我的直觉。

This is your life, and it’s a short one. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let others put a cage around you. Try what you want to try. Go where you want to go. Follow your own intuition.
这是你的人生，人生苦短。不要接受不是你真心的选择，别让其他人把你困在牢笼里。想做什么就做什么，想去哪儿就去哪儿。跟着你的感觉走。

2.I said what I needed to say.
我说了该说的。

You must say what you need to say when you need to say it. It may be your only chance to do so. Don’t censor yourself. Speak the truth. Your truth.
你应该在适当的时刻说出你该说的话，这是你唯一的机会。别压抑自己，说出事实，你认为的事实。

3.I did what I needed to do.
我做了该做的。

The greatest gift extraordinarily successful people have over average people is their ability to get themselves to take action – to physically do something about getting from where they are now to where they want to be. And no, it won’t be easy. But in the end, suffering from the pain of discipline while you do what you need to do is a whole lot easier than suffering from the regret and disappointment of never fulfilling any of your dreams.
非常成功的人优于普通人最大的天赋在于他们敢于采取行动，真正做一些事，改变现在的自己，向梦想的未来进发。这个过程并不容易。就算到最后，你因为做了该做的事情而受到惩罚和伤害，那也比从未实现梦想的悔恨和失望带来的伤痛要小得多。

4.I made a difference.
我影响了别人。

In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. Doing something nice for someone can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world.
生活就是这样，你付出了会得到回报。当你为别人的生活带来了积极的影响，你也同样也是在积极影响你自己的生活。为别人做点事儿，做点让他们快乐或者少受点苦的事儿。与人为善，可以改变世界，可能不是全世界，但是至少能改变他们的世界。

5. I know what true love is.
我了解什么是真爱。

Relationships must be chosen wisely. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.
选择感情的时候要明智，别着急。如果一段感情是命中注定，那么它总归会发生：在对的时间，跟对的人，有最好的理由。

Love is beautiful and unpredictable. The best thing you can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible. The universe will know when you are ready, and when you are, true love will happen, unexpectedly.
爱情很美，却也无法预知，所以你能做的最好的事就是开始尽力让自己成为最棒的那个人。等你做好准备，上帝会知道，到时候，真爱总会不期而遇。

6. I am happy and grateful.
我很幸福，很感恩。

Very little is needed to create happiness. It is all within you, in your way of thinking.
幸福不是靠创造的，幸福一直在你的身边，跟你的思维方式息息相关。

A big part of this is simply being grateful for what you have. Look around. Appreciate the things you have right now. Many people aren’t so lucky.
幸福里的很重要一部分，是对你现在所拥有的怀着一颗感恩之心。看看周围，享受此刻所拥有的一切。许多人都没你这么幸运。

7.I am proud of myself.
我为自己感到骄傲。

You are your own best friend and your own biggest critic. Being proud of yourself is also known as having strong self-esteem. Being proud isn’t bragging about how great you are. It’s more like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot. Acknowledge your positive qualities, and when you come across a quality in yourself that you aren’t proud of, don’t sulk in your sorrows, proactively work on correcting it.
你是你自己最好的朋友也是最大的批评者，为自己感到骄傲，是要有强烈的自尊心，而不是自吹自擂炫耀自己有多伟大。其实更像是内心暗暗了解自己的价值。承认自己正面的品质，要是发现身上有你并不觉得自豪的某种品质，也别难过，主动改正就好。

8.I became the best version of me.
我成为了最好的自己。

Remember, at any given moment, you are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be.
要记住，在任何时候，你的竞争对手有且只有一个，那就是你自己。和自己比赛，努力成为最好的自己。

9.I forgave those who hurt me.
我原谅了那些伤害过我的人。

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
怨恨的情绪是在浪费你的幸福。宽恕是释放心灵的囚犯，而那个被困的人就是你自己。

10. I have no regrets.
我不后悔。

Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what you need to do fulfill your dreams. Say what you need to say. Be kind to others. Offer a helping hand when you’re able. Love those who deserve to be loved, and cherish the bond you share. Appreciate all the things you do have. Smile. Celebrate your small victories. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t change.
听从自己内心的呼声；做真实的自己；做你该做的事情去完成你的梦想；说你该说的话；与人为善；别人需要你的帮助的时候伸出援手；爱那些值得你爱的人，珍惜你们之间的约定；享受现在所拥有的一切；庆祝自己的小小胜利；从错误中吸取教训；宽恕；放手那些你无力改变的事实。

Plan

2012-01-04T13:02:00.000+08:00

I am never a person who plans for their life properly. I have learned to fly, but forgotten to learn how to land.

I just learned that those who around me are really good at planning via our conversations last night. I am probably the one who cares the least about my own life in the future. I guess everybody plans, just not everyone is a good planner.

reviewing 2011

2012-01-02T12:38:00.000+08:00

TV programs have already been reviewing big international events over the last year today. Thinking back, 2011 was really a hard year, not only on the worldwide scale, but also on my personal dimension. I went from southern hemisphere to Beijing, SiChun, Tibet, ctc., back to Hong Kong; from a status of hope to a situation of nothing in my hands; from a backpacker back to a Hongkonger; so much so. On the global standard, Japan's huge earthquake and Tsunami, and thanks for the advanced technology, we are able to see so many dreadful scenes live via television. And of course the never ending aftermath of the nuclear crisis in Fukushima Daiichi is even more frightening. The rise and fall of international leaders, such as Gaddafi and Kim Jong I, is changing the world power balance in a silence way. As the Americans got nothing to do in the middle east, they will surely aim at the Asia Pacific region this year onward.

So many things have happened and changed in time.

01-01-2011

2012-01-01T16:21:00.000+08:00

This is the first day of 2011. I didn't do much last night, counting down is no longer the act of my age. I chose to sleep early instead and it was a good last night. I knew I have repleted several times here already that a good night sleep is sometimes all I want for a day in my life, I am that grateful that I had it last night.

2011 is finally came and arrived. I wonder if I can go through it........let's see

reminder

2011-12-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

Over time, I forgot the goals I set for myself for the reason of flying away. I should remind myself constantly that something, especially human nature of some people is never gonna change. So the thing I can do is to leave those things but not trying to change them.

後悔

2011-12-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

最近有很多人問我有沒有為過去幾年所做的事而後悔. 我這想答案已經不重要了, 我但絕不想將來後悔我現在的後悔。

lost of faith usually goes in a second

2011-12-08T11:51:00.000+08:00

but takes ages to build up

Easy come easy go....the hope i was given for a moment

2011-11-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

Immigrating to another country has always been my wish since I return back Australia after gradation. I have been searching different means and ways ever since then too. I was learn that there is a way to immigrate to the US through a program called Diversity Visa Program, so called lottery green card. I search the website, listened to the video program for an hour with a hope of winner one day. I was once believed that if one keep searching something days and night through whatever means available, one can get what he or she is looking for at the end. I almost thought I have experienced this belief. But then when I search through the pages and files, I found out that those who were born in main-land China is not qualified to apply this visa even though they hold HKSAR passports.

Well, that's find. I knew nothing comes easy in my life already. Even I am eligible, I am not gonna win the lottery anyway. It just this up and down happen to fast. It's like you were given a hope and was taken away after an hour. But anyway...that't find.

Situation worse than expected scenario

2011-11-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

It looks like the worse scenario that i have set to myself was not worse enough. The scenario that I have imagined, actually not imagined, but expected was 3 months unemployment in respect of work. Now i realized that i have miss the seasonal factors. It is always the hardest time to fine a so called good job at the end of the year because most people will stay in their old situation to get the bonus even though they plan to leave the company. There are jobs of course and the current unemployed rate, 3.3%, which is quite low theoretically speaking. However, most jobs available are either short term or urgently required to fill up some unexpected needs.In other words, these are not "good" jobs.

So I have to reset my coming back scenario, that of course would be even worse than the one I have planned before.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

It's 11/11/11, 11th November of 2011 today! We all like special numbers. It's true that it doesn't come easy to to form this special number. I prefer 12/12/12 though, just don't know if I would be still alive by then.

Nothing comes easy

2011-11-09T16:23:00.000+08:00

Everything I got, I got it before the moment I almost gave it up.

the best things in life are not possessed, they are free.

2011-10-24T22:33:00.002+08:00

A.Word.A.Day

with Anu Garg

My iPad, their Toyota, her house... In a typical day we talk a lot about possessions: having things. The word possess is from Latin possidere, from potis (having the power) + sedere (to sit). So when you possess something, say a patch of earth, you have the power to sit upon it, literally speaking.

The English language has many terms about who has what. Enjoy this week's words that answer "Whose what?" but it's important to remember that the best things in life are not possessed, they are free. We don't say my ocean, his stars, or their sun.

Orlando in his Thirty

2011-10-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

When a man has reached the age of thirty,..... time when he is thinking becomes inordinately long; time when he is doing becomes inordinately short. (Orlando, Virginia Woolf)

Old books are not easy to read, but it's so beautiful in writing and the most of them contains virtures in many aspects of life.

Realizing in searching....

2011-06-26T18:19:00.001+08:00

I found myself again when I intended to find something. And in another minute, I realized another thing too.
If you don't search the meaning of life, you would end up like most of the people whom only have exististed but not lived.

no more hiding, I'm gotta shine

2011-06-16T20:23:00.001+08:00

All the years I have been trying to hide myself from all sorts of events, occasions, people, ceremonies, gathering etc. I have been trying to live a tranquil and peaceful life where I can devote my energy on something I like. But everywhere I go, there is always all kind of dramas going on around me. Looking back, I realised that have never accomplished what I have chased for. I more I tried to live a quiet life, the more mess occurs around me. I doubt I have done were against the nature and had gone a long wrong way.

Maybe I should try to shine, but not to hide.........

no title

2011-06-06T20:14:00.000+08:00

Have been sick for 3 weeks, I finally feeling almost recovered today. In bed with my drowsy head and foggy mind, those days I wonder if would just die in the middle of sleep and somehow wake in another world. But I didn't die. How said was I to perceive that I am in the same hell?

I realized that medicine is not just good for my body, but also nice to my brain. It decreases your feeling to everything, food become tasteless, sadness and happiness are no longer the two opposed emotions, everything has lost it exact means to me. Sleep in the only thing ever I wanted.

It's just nasty to find out I am still in the shit after a flu-drug-hangover...........damn

Change-shift-drift-----

2011-04-12T20:48:00.001+08:00

Life is full dramas. Even with a little monotonous life like the one I am having could sometimes changes scenes quickly, regular things could suddenly turned around out of blue.

After resignation of colleague L, the office, most of daily tasks have to go through me as I am now "the most experienced" person in the office now. There are more extra workload than ever. Plus my issue with the visa, things get pretty complicated.

All in a sudden now, I have to leave Sydney and come back in two weeks time in order to enable me to stay longer. The drama in the little world has let me to believe one true thing, that is, this world dynamic, everything is floating, truth does represent fact, facts are not necessarily true, yes doesn't mean right, no doesn't mean negative. In a nutshell, there is no absolute definition in every perceivable fact or truth.

懷念小時候的任性

2011-04-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

小時候那任性，屈强的的我，今天都好像不見了。
長大了，我們是否都變得軟弱了，那骨氣都消散了。
日子活得越得久，想說的話好像越少。
嘗試去生活，嘗試不只為了吃飯而生活。
然而多少事，留下來的只是一堆感慨。
那一刻，只想回到小時候，找回瀟灑我。

After day light saving

2011-04-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

The clock has been moved one hour back yesterday to end the day light saving. From now on, the sun sets one hour earlier and which also mean the night comes earlier, we have short day time. When I walk out the office today, it was already dark. The darkness and the cool breeze send me a strong feeling of lonliness on my way home all in a sudden. I felt I am living but also don't know what I am living for. It the same kind of emptiness that falls in right after the last light disappear.

Winter is approching. But where am I heading to?

Record of depressed days

2011-03-27T17:22:00.001+08:00

Depression has attacked me these days in the beginner of Autumn. I am especially emotional, overly sensitive to almost everything I encounter daily. I saw a dead possum on the road to work and a dead Australian parrot under a tree near Hurstville Station. I was about to believe that they were the apocalypse to the end of the world. I am not sure if the negative feeling that I am perceiving now is due to the gloomy weather or because of those recent awful natural disasters. Everything in my eyes is grey and nothing worths a smile, a laugh or a sympathy. Sleep wasn't good these nights too. A through night sleep has become a precious sweet dream. The book I have been reading has only move a few pages. Rolling my eyes from one line to another demands a lot of concentration. I tried to draw my attentions to the classical musics. Some help made by Bach, others were useless. I wrote a few lines after trying to switch my energy to writing Chinese traditional poem. But it seems the poem brought up even more sensations. My toy, Rubik's Cube could not bring as much as joy as it did before. I doubt if there is any other way I can switch my emotion from negative to positive. May time helps........

Blank

2011-03-24T13:24:00.000+08:00

The joy and pain could go together when I have to put something into one sentence. The feeling becomes effective again when I release what I feel and then I feel it again when I read it through. This is thr problem of writing.

Man made war VS war against nature

2011-03-20T15:32:00.004+08:00

One side of world, far north in Japan, human beings are flight their lives against the aftermath of 9.0 earthquake plus tsunami took place on 11th of March, on the other side of the world, the coalition force of France, the US and UK has launched attacks at Libya today. Today, 20-March in half of the world and 19-March in the other half of the world, with the biggest and brighter moon in 19 years, human beings still are fighting, one for their own lives, one for others lives. I am sure if we are we living in the civilized world that is advanced from barbarism?

Personally, my mind and body are fighting each other. I woke at 4am this morning, not sure if it's due to the heaviest down pour in some 3 years in Sydney or because of some other reasons. I played some games from my phone and surfed Internet with my laptop for about an hour. Although I managed to get back to sleep about 5am, I didn't sleep deep and got up at 8am on my holiday. My body and mind don't cooperate and work in the same clock. Strange enough though, I don't feel a least bit sleepy today with such an irregular sleeping habit. I read quite a lot, but had no serious thing done. I hope it's not bad to end the day.

......

2011-03-19T18:10:00.000+08:00

Believe or not, it's addictive to watch disaster videos of Japan's terrible erathquake and tusnami. I can't help watching the clips from CNN, one after one.......

the quake

2011-03-15T19:13:00.002+08:00

I am completely overwhelmed. Looking at the images of Japan's Earthquake and Tsunami from the TV, I am still shocked, after 3 days the quake took place. Mother earth is so powerful, it can take everything away you ever have, including the faith you have to lead a proper life. Living in an area constantly under the threat of natural distresses, most people would avoid long plannings. Now that Japan has a risk of nuclear release that might affect a wide range of residences nearby too. The word catastrophe does not have enough meanings to describe the current statues of the Japanese people. There is a aftermath they have to go through in future.

Sigh..... human beings are just some powerless creatures in a blue spot in the magnificent universe. Everything I see makes me feel so small, helpless and weak.

Is there a god who is going to take over everything soon?

the abnormal beats

2011-03-02T16:08:00.001+08:00

Trying to conmort my self. Relaxing my heart and mind doesn't seem aneasy thing to do these days. I hear my heart beating, I know it's been in the status of restless for a while, but I don't know what is the cause. Is there something going to happen? Something bad would fall on me? I don't know I can relax myself, and so I can't enjoy life, not in a bit.

I am here alone, my life, my body is all I have. What can I worrry? What do I scar of? I own nothing, and so I have nothing to lose.

I shouldn't have anything to worry, but I just can't easy my heart, can't slow down my heart beat. Why?

Live music from next door

2011-02-26T18:20:00.000+08:00

Tonight we have fantastic live muisc from our neighbour. We were warned that could goes on til mid-night. We are feeling like in a great band show. I don't mind people have some fun during the weekend, particularly the kind with artistic content, I am not bothered with the noise. The thing that I am not completely happy is that they didn't invite thier neighbours, us. haha... Maybe I should join them striaght away.

Fired but no blood

2010-12-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

Today is a sad day, although I am not the one supposed to say that. But still, I feel sad. Someone is fired because of a careless mistake in buying flight tickets. Someone has gone, something has changed, irreversible.

Sigh-is the only sign I can release.

Like Kevin Rudd said, at least there she is not blooded. Let not take it too serious. Maybe it is a good thing after all. May god bless her.

Fair enough

2010-12-10T18:51:00.003+08:00

Life won't treat me nice, I knew that, long ago. I never get one thing easily in my whole life. I walked through everything single step, whatever on the floor, I stepped on it. That's my life! It asks me to give it all myself first, then it grants me the right to request. Fair enough! I won't get a fortune without hard working, equally, I won't get terrible bad lucks if I haven't done something seriously wrong.

The hope of getting a PR has now vanished. Ironically, I lost the chance because I found out there are many options available. Don't laugh, it's true. Things get dramatic in ridiculous ways and you want to fuck it and damn it.

Now I found eternity in the everything reality. There is no stability in truth.

Okay, that's fair enough. Life, you won't beat me anymore now.

Risk

2010-12-08T08:07:00.000+08:00

Who doesn't want to live in the comfort zone? And wants to live in a constant worry situation. But then, everything involve a risk, in some scales, in some aspects. Taking a risk in a decision making is not all irrational, but rather, it is usually the last option left. Life goes on, and decision makings are the steps that carry life moves forward.

I decided to take the rist today. I am scared and worried of course. But I believ I would not forgive myself if I gave up this trying. I have gone all the way to just want to live here in fact. I can't let, not this, not at this point of my life.

After all, isn't life an adventure itself? This step is just one I should take.

It's Christmas time...almost

2010-12-05T19:53:00.000+08:00

3 Houses have lighted up their houses in Carrington St. to make up the whole Penshursts more Christmas. With a Church at the end of the street and the cross at the top of the church, everything in the area looks more like in the season especially at night. I walked out tonight and realized that Christmas is almost there and the year of 2010 is going to end as well. Time-is still something that I am unable to grasp.

I am feeling kind of lost after staying here for more than half a year. Why is everything still unclear and hanging around. It's so hard to get a stable life. I realize the fact that change is the only eternity, it's just not easy live with it.

Miss my cat

2010-11-26T18:45:00.000+08:00

No one compares to my cat, all the human beings are nothing. We share this interdependence and intimacy in one simple unit, tears and laughter, chasing and resting, all sort of crazy thing between a human and cat. We were so close.

Nobody, but my cat, knows how bad I miss it. Baby take care of yourself.

On the way to work and home

2010-11-21T12:58:00.000+08:00

If you walk the same road 6 days a week, back and forth, repeatedly for 6 months, you will not just familiar with the surroundings, you could also recognize some faces. Sometimes, these faces are kind of already absorbed into the scenes. I find bored with everything on the road already, but they are not necessarily unworthy for mentioning.

There is a young tall lady I use to come across at 9:15 am on the forest road. Sometime she walks on the other side to be under the shade, sometimes we are under sunshine on the same way. I would come across a health slim middle-age man with cup of coffee take away if I leave home early or he comes office late. He uses to wear cortex Colombia water proof rain coat which I wanted badly in NZ, while the girl seems prefer neat and casual dressing.

The road between my home and office could be long or short, depending on the weather and my emotions. Luckily, I enjoy walking in most of the time of my life.

Just wanna be grounded

2010-11-18T18:57:00.000+08:00

After all the drifting and travelling, I just wanna be grounded sometimes. I am not a bird without legs after all.

Hanging

2010-11-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

My life is hanging around in the air now. My visa expires in 5 months and I cannot work at my currrent job as my visa combines the rule that I cannot work for the same employer for more than 6 months. If I want to get a 2nd visa, I have to work for a fram and strating working immediately. But then, there are so many things I have to follow up at my current job. Although my boss agree to sponsor me for my work visa, but everything is not started. I tried to ask agent and they are all so mean and they worldn't say a words before you pay.

sigh.... why is it so hard just to live the life i like? I so more qualified than so many dumpies in this country.

On air on 10-Nov

2010-11-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I got a chance to join a radio show in Sydney. I was on air at 9:30am, 10-Nov, representing the company to talk about New Zealand travelling on 2ac Cantonese Radio Station. The show only last 30min but enough to put pressure on me. First time in my life, my voice gets into the air all over Sydney area, the city I want to call home. I was quite clam at the show actually, as I knew the more I become nervous, the less I would able to express my knowledge about New Zealand, the country I recommend everyone to go for a relatively wild holiday.

Listening back to the show on the computer in that afternoon, I find my own voice so unfamiliar, so not me. Paying attention to the details, I found the way I speak so not smooth, there is something between every single words I said and they are not connected well. I try to think of the reason why. It could be the way that Cantonese is pronounced or my own weakness in talking.

Shitting in Sydney

2010-11-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

I miss my car so damn much today. If I had a car, I wouldn't wet my whole body in the pouring rain after work today. It shitting like carzy today. Damn it!

There is no public transpotation between my work place and temporary home, I have to walk for about 25 mins and most of the areas are uncovered. Sydney doesn't rain alot, I used to say that. But I wouldn't say it anymore. It rains so often this year, since I came.

Fingers and toes

2010-11-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

Fingers and toes are the most difficult parts of human body to draw. Especially hands, they are so capable in shifting forms and shapes, bending and twisting, every slight movement is a big change. The toughest part, simultaneously, is the most beautiful area.

Engaged Charley and Jay

2010-11-05T18:58:00.000+08:00

My friend charley is engaged today, announced on facebook 8 hours ago. This is such an amazing news for the day personally. Good news doesn't come from one friend alone, Heddy is also expected to give birth to her baby son on 13th Nov. Toto is thinking to buy a house or flat with her BF in Melbourne she told me on the phone today. Great!! My friends are all moving from one stage to another, moving their life forward. Good luck with them.

Rainny Sydney

2010-11-04T19:29:00.001+08:00

It's been raining very often lately. Showers are predicted over the week. I don't dare telling people Sydney hardly rain now. The temperature has been below average these days too. I like it coo though, 10-20 degree Celsius is the best weather.

I have been drinking heavily lately since I brought this cheap 4.4L box of sweat wine last week. I feel like having a glass every night now.

It's been relatively smooth at work lately, but I wouldn't relax my mind anyway. Everything could happen as things are most unpredictable in that context for me.

I have been reflecting a lot of what I really want to do, if not the rest of life, at least in the coming years. I know the lifestyle I like down at the bottom of heart of course, but there are so many things aren't in my control and therefore I can't really live the kind of life I want straight away. Your boss's heart or emotion is the one of the hardly things you can manage, not sure if it's matches everyone though.

I have got a client today who just wants me to issue the flight tickets and pay whatever the pare I told her. No question, no bargain, no doubt. There are so many things I can't explain logically in everyday context. My clients, my boss and my colleagues, sometimes they are all so unrealistic.

Taurus

2010-11-02T12:10:00.000+08:00

Taurus

Taurus: The power of love is at work today and can make some feel extraordinarily sexy and desirous. That your intimate relationship should benefit from this goes without saying! And if you happened to start a new relationship today, then you can expect it to be unusually intense. You should have a lot of get up and go today too, so you should pursue your ambitions vigourously. www.AstroZone.com.au "Quote from SMH.com"

Hum.... Sounds lik a day that I should feel like living lively..... though kind of hard ......

don't wanna end October

2010-10-31T17:26:00.000+08:00

break
through
move
stay
confused
peace
help
alone
......
how to conclude the end of october?
I can't simply draw a full-stop
so many things haven't done and haven't settled done
and i only have two hands, my own two hands
and the heart not even dare to hope
november ..... oh november

A productive rainy day off

2010-10-24T13:46:00.000+08:00

Unusually, I have got this Sunday off and fortunately it's raining all the day. But a rainy day off doesn't mean a shitty day, it's been a productive day today.

I practiced my work intensely today, focused on human hands, the most difficult, but challenging part. With 2 cups of coffee, I managed to focus on details very well.

Human hands are so interestingly complicated and diverse. Skin, bones, nails, texture, thickness, length, so on and so forth are all distinctively different from person to person, not to mention each pair of hands is capable of difference fields. God must make human hands with his/her own hands with great details.

A good night sleep

2010-10-20T18:38:00.003+08:00

Maybe all in my life, I am just seeking a decent place where I can have a good-night sleep every night. Maybe all the purpose of my little life, is just to fulfil this simple aim. Yet, ironically, it's not even close to my dream.

Everywhere I stay, in the hectic city or green countryside I would have noisy flatmates/housemates or neighbours making sound in all possible ways at all different times, slamming the doors, dropping tiny little things, opening fridge loudly at the middle of the night, and the list goes on. I have earplugs to minimize the columns from the surroundings already, but there are always noise to wake me up all the times.

Why do we need to sleep? Why am I feeling sleepy again, but I want to write more. I need more time to do my personal word. I need the vitality to carry on this practice to reach my final end which I set for my little life.

I don't beg god for more time to live, but more energy to carry on my night work. Please.....

Is life that boring?

2010-10-15T19:03:00.001+08:00

When everybody complains that life is boring, I finally find some spare time to practice my hobby and making life a little more interesting than ever here in Australia. I have so done with those so called loneliness. Enough. I am numb now.

My married colleague and my single fiends are all telling me they are bored. Busy working city life or relaxed western lifestyle, they all feel bored every now and then. Some sound so desperate. Is life that boring?

Positive mental illness

2010-10-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

Falling in love is a mental illness that results in having sweet feelings.
There is no need to deny that are all sick in one way or another. Sick or well is just different ways in description and preception, like a half full glass of water would be viewed as half empty.

What if I died tomorrow?

2010-10-07T18:14:00.004+08:00

This has become my motto recently. What if I died tomorrow? This is possible, no joking.

I could die anytime. I could run over by a car when I crosse the road. Anything falling from the sky could hit and kill me instantly. I could be robbed, stabbed, and died from lost of too much blood. I could have a heart attack after running and die straight away. I could die in many other ways, too. It's rather a miracle that I survived today.

Nothing matters any more if you realize it. Nothing hurts anymore, everything is just an incidence in the course of life. It's okay if you have lead a life to the upmost level out of your capibility.

Day-off at Antie Lydia's Place

2010-09-30T20:06:00.007+08:00

Nothing nicer than going to antie Lydia's house on my day-off. Yesterday was one of the good days there. They prepared BBQ dinner for me and one of her friends and her friend's 2-year baby. Simple but nice and warm. They are so generous and always makes me feel like home every time I go there. I always worry that going ther might bother them and give Lydia too much work though.

Carmen, their daughter is a growing-up girl of 14 now. As a high school teenager, she is now more aware of her academic results than she was 5 years ago, when she was still a primary kid. Competition among schools, comparison among classmates, ranking in the same grade, so on and so forth, all kind of these signals reminding her that this is a world she has to race with others everywhere. Life is not as easy as thoes days. I can feel the pressure she is feeling now actually. Back then, many many years ago, I was one of the teens who experienced the same tough times anyway. Luckily though, she has got considerate parents who support and look after her health and well being. Being a elderly friend, I just want her to know that everyone has their own strengthens and weaknesses. Some are good at music, some are poor language, some might have talent in sports, some might afraid of speech. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. So what one to make the most out from life? How can I passes all the tests that are lying in front of me? In my belief, should make good use of their strengthness and take the given advantages to benefit the community. In other words, we should try not to compare our weakness with somebody else's strengthness. There is no point doing it. On the other hand, we should try to work on our strenthness to build up our self-confidence. For our weakbnesses, we only have to reach the bench mark to fullfill the system requirement. Last but not least, we should not let worries eat away our present days.

I feel I am an old grandma talking about all these. I just want her to know, as long as she has tried her best, she doesn't have to worry too much about the result. And sometimes, it is the process, but not the result, that teaches and gives us the tastes of fullfillment and satisfacations.

She will sooner know that life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get.

My Housemate P

2010-09-26T20:16:00.003+08:00

My housemate P has officially moved out today. In Manly, she rent a room and shared with someone else she doesn't know much. The new place is closer to her new school and she can save a lot time on travelling.

Thinking that she might not come over to Hurstville that often, I decided to invite her for a dinner after work. We met up at Coles at 5pm and from there, I decided to walk to the seashore which I can barely saw it from the top of King George Road on my home. Although I checked the walk distance to there by Google map is about 38 minute, I was unsure how to get there from Hurstville exactly. Believing that the globe is rounded, that means we can go back to the original point at the end wherever to start, we never scared about getting lost. It took almost an hour to get the shore, and of course, we doubt if that was the right way. But we made it there at 6pm anyway. We sat on the concrete bench and took some stupid photos. The sun sets really fast and it gets dark quickly. Stayed there just a little while, we we walked along Kings George Road back to Hurstville to have dinner at a Malaysian restaurant which just opened a few days ago. The dishes were fine but it only scored 7.5 out of ten from our harsh tasting judgement.

It's hard to have a nice housemate. P is quite a good one and she is quite considerate, kind and beautiful. Sadly but quite frankly, the one who lives with you might not be the one who you have chosen to most of the time in your life, not to mention you like the person or not. I just wanna have a place where I can have good sleep after all. This simple quest could never be early achieved in my adulthood life especially when I have nasty housemates or neighbours.

I think I will miss my housemate P.

Life is a rollercoaster

2010-09-24T19:11:00.001+08:00

Life is a rollercoaster in which I mean you don't just go ups and downs, you don't have control over it and can't get out it as well. One minute things can go right, the other moment you could be driven to the left. All in a sudden, you might be standing still and starts to fall. haha..... interesting enough, but that's not something wanted by everybody.

I was told to go for a short trip to NZ to work as a tour guide for week this afternoon and then it has all called off tonight, a minute ago. One thing I knew in the minute could be totally different from another minute. I feel like I am a ball, kicking my everyone, to all directions, rolling and rolling. How many things out of my life are in my control?

月下獨酌 ----- 後現代版

2010-09-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

月下獨酌 ----- 後現代版

後園一打酒，薯片二三包。
身型且不願，月影無心辨。
月既不善情，獨醉又何妨。
暫棄千秋夢，當醉應及時。
我歌樹聲和，我舞影隨伴。
醉時歡共興，醒後不必認。
逍遙獨遊人，無情勝有情。

Running

2010-09-19T18:49:00.002+08:00

Running. I went to running with my housemate after work in this Sunday afternoon. From Penshursts to Mortdale and all the way back, in one and a half hour, we finised the journey and back home with half a chicken for dinner. I am now feeling a little bit sleep, but I felf geat when I was running and at dinner. Any exercise deprives our energy but it gives back more in a positve way afterwards. Isn't it amazing. I love running. I can think, I can talk, I can't left myself up in a strange way when I am running. I have been running in life too. I have run this far to here. I am still running. I am on the run.......

There is nothing I want to keep

2010-09-15T18:46:00.003+08:00

Can't remember from when I started to worry about having too much things at home. It was 5 years ago I think, from the day I lost the sense of being at home and having a home.

I used to buy things, a lot of things. Tiny decorative toys, vases, shells, etc., I will buy them without thinking too much and worrying about money as long as I think I could present them in a way to make my home wamer and nicer. I also like to collect books, bookmarks, stamps, letter from friends, motto from famous scholars, etc. In my memory, my room was full of papers. I didn't worry about if my assect would get stolen, the only thing I scared of was home catching a fire and my collections got burned into ashes.

I don't know what have changed me, I tried not to keep things as less as possible. I brought clothes only for functional use. I only read books which I borrow from the library. Stuffs in my desk drawers became less and less as I threw more things away every time I clean my room. There's no physical things which I want to keep at home or at the place I stay. I wanted to minize everything I had. The less stuff I have, the happier I am.

This motivation gets even strong when I started my travel life last year. Everything I buy I would consider if it would add burden to my luggage when I move on. I wouldn't buy any books since they would occupy large space my suitcase. I try not to buy anything except food for my survival in short.

The idea of keeping things as less as possible attackes me today when I went to buy a pair of shoes and a shirt which I needed to wear at work as required by the boss. With such a feeling on mind, shopping has become a kind of an unpleasent struggle. I should have brought them long ago if that feeling didn't win last time.

Tired. Sick.

2010-09-13T18:55:00.004+08:00

I am very tired today. Not sure if it's because of work, or if it's because I lost too much energy on the negative thinkings and tears I shouldn't fall 2 days ago. I never had such a tired feeling in OZ before.

It hasn't been that great at work in Sydney. Not to mention that work envoirnment here is no difference from HK, the boss has also been the most emotional kind I have ever met so far. It seems she has poured over all her worries about her businees over me. I think I look like the kind of being which everybody can attack on. I hate myself sometimes being so weak. But I just not the kind of person who likes to argue, explain and behave like a hypocrate. I just want to be honest to myself. Besides, talk to those who has lost their control doesn't help anyway.

I can't tell how much I hate the Chinese work culture. Nono of the employer respects their employees in my experience. All of them believe shouting at their employees is acceptable in any condition, even if they are wrong themselves. What's on their mind? Why can't they just be a respecatable person who respect everyone as are born to be equal in this world under the law in OZ and also under the command of whatever gods?

Sigh....money is power not knowledge in the dark age like today.

Sigh is the best sign to conclude.

Sigh

The cat

2010-09-10T19:57:00.003+08:00

I drank some wine tonight, my brian are not working properly. It's not out of my control, it's not in a stable condition. I can still write and think and analyse how bad/well it is.

There is a cat which likes sitting at the doorway of the house during the time I go to work. I saw it again this morning on my way to work. I came across the road to pad on it deliberatly. Without reasonable reason, I knew it likes me to and sense it that I won't do any harm on it. This gentle touch with a pet, especially with cats, alway gives me some kind of warm feeling. It like someone understand me and able to sense how I feel in some way. Strange. But I can't explain anymore. Sometimes I perfer to go along with cats more than human beings. I doubt if I belong to this world.

After the quake

2010-09-07T13:17:00.002+08:00

It's been 3 days after magnitude 7.1 earthquake took place in Christchurch, New Zealand, and still, no one has reported dead due to the quake directly, only 2 seriously injured. This is not not only a piece of serious natural disasterous news, it's also an amazing news. I can't imagine if that size of earthquake took place in China or other developing countries and what would be the death toll. There have been a lot of lucky escapes though.

Can't let out anymore

2010-09-03T19:15:00.004+08:00

When you are holding something too much for too long, you could not let it out. There are is a counter effect, especially when you are holding too much emotions inside, you simply lose the ability to make it out. And that's why people get sick and become mentally ill.

Is it already too late for me?

One has to protect once's feeling after all. Your physical life can be saved by others, but no one can save your soul. Your body can be trained through doing exercises, I have no idea how to harden my heart though. I have no emotional weapons to defence myself. Surrounding my hands over my body doesn't seem to help. I can only let myself die and reborn

Two Regrets - Tattoo and Hitchhiking

2010-08-31T21:24:00.002+08:00

There are two regrets in my backpacker's life in New Zealand - having a tattoo and hitchhiking.

So jealous to hear that one of my backpacker's friends just had a colour tattoo and her ankle. I have long decided to have one just didn't have the right situation. I will design myself for the image.

Most people have tattoo with their own personal reasons as most images carrying meanings. Like everything else, there are people like it and there are people hate it. Having a tattoo always gives conventional people a bad impression and those who doesn't like would never understands why do people like to have some marks on their bodies. Tattoo, in a broader sense, is a kind of body art, a personal performance showcasing everyday, or a form of body decoration. In a negative meaning though, it implies self-hurting and self-punishment. The process can be argued for a negative pleasure, if you like.

This is the moment

2010-08-30T18:39:00.002+08:00

This is the moment
This is the day
When I send all my doubts and demons
On their way

Every endeavor
I have made - ever
Is coming into play
Is here and now - today!

This is the moment
This is the time
When momentum and the moment
Are in ryhme!

Give me this moment
This precious chance
I will gaterh up my past
And make some sense at last

This is the moment
When all I've down-
All the dreaming
Scheming and screaming
Become one

This is the day -
See it sparkle and shine
When all I've lived for
Becomes mine!

For all these years
I've faced the world alone
And now the time has come
To prove to them
I've made it on my own!

This is the moment
My final test
Destiny beckoned
I never reckoned
Second Best

I won't look down
I must not fall
This is the moment
Thi sweetest moment of them all

This is the moment
Damn all the odds
This day, or never
I'll sit forever
With the gods

When I look back
I will always recall
Moment for moment
This was the moment
The greatest moment
Of them all

What do you mean by growing old?

2010-08-29T20:11:00.004+08:00

To me, growing old is losing the subtle sensibilities that stimulate your feelings and thoughts when you encounter the slightest changes in your usual daily life.

I have so much to say, to reflect on before, everything around me can give me some idea and thoughts and all these feedbacks from the environment make feeling alive. The older I grow though, the less I had the kind of feeling. I almost have nothing to write now. Is this the real truth of growing old?

And where is the zest of life?

Make life fun

2010-08-28T19:11:00.004+08:00

People around me are complaining their boring lifestyle lately. They are all kind of sick of their monotonous and fixed route-work-eat-sleep pattern of life, some even told me they are tired of seeing their partner sometimes. Aren't we all bored easily?

We all need some changes every now and then. Different looks, sounds, colour or any slight changes in our houses could fresh our heads and bring little surprise to our life. Fun doesn't fall from the sky, we have to create it. This is one of shared job in the household too.

I agree life is boring but I also believe that it is our duty to make it interesting.

the Error in love

2010-08-26T19:20:00.004+08:00

In what condition will one gives his/her most beloved thing/person to somebody else? Unless you believe that it is best ontcome for that certain thing/person right? And the underlining reason that drives you to make such a sacrifice is of course because you genuinely love it/he/she.

Friends I needs and want to be

2010-08-25T10:14:00.002+08:00

I wish I can have older friends who can guide and advise me on my prematured thoughts and younger friends who can inspire me in overaged soul.
But first, before I requesting too much, I should be good to all my friends I guess.

Should be glad or regret?

2010-08-24T18:28:00.007+08:00

There is something left in my mind that I still can't determite its nature after my friend's visiting. I don't know If I should be glad that it didn't happen or I should regret that I didn't make it happen.

Leave it nature itself.

This has to be continued

2010-08-21T16:04:00.005+08:00

I realised one thing today, that is, I should keep writing. I wanted to write so many time on the way home and to work. There have been so much things I wanted to put them into words. Thinking is good, but writing should be better for everything aspect. There must be something worthing remembering right? Even it's a nasty thing, it needs record in the time theme.

Here and today, writing this sentence is not an ending, but a new beginning of my eJournal.

Leaving Auckland

2009-05-16T07:15:00.002+08:00

Heading Te Puke this afternoon. Will try out the Naked Buss this afternoon to get to Te Puke. Hope will get a job there. Frui tpicking or packing, I won't care. My roommate left this morning for Rotorau and down to Wellington then to East Cost in Australia. This is a nice German girl hopw will see her later.

I am alive in Sydney

2009-05-11T09:06:00.001+08:00

I am fine and staying at my friend's place in Sydney. Sydney is still as beautiful as 4 years ago. I checked out the city and visited some friends in the last few days. Time flies, I only have 2 days left. I tired to do as much as I can in the rest of time in Sydney. I will go for Auckland this Wednesday morning and keep moving on till I find a job. I am so glad that I have so many friends here in Sydney and they are all so nice to me. This week is completely blessed. They road ahead is surely a lot tougher cox I will be on myself all the way. Anyway, that's the way I should go for now.

It happens sometimes ...

2009-04-12T23:47:00.005+08:00

when the night comes down my window
the fear in my heart grows wider
tonight I am defected
I lost my reason to deal with my internal devil
helplessness and emptiness attact me in the dark
i hurt so badly
i am dumped in an universe surounded by nothing
i am a baby who can just cry

我是一個逃兵

2009-04-12T00:09:00.002+08:00

無疑
我不是一個勇者
在沙士的時候我逃離香港
在海嘯的年份我又準備逃亡
走似乎是面對困難的上計
然而，可以留下的又怎會選擇走
可成勇者的，誰又願做千夫所指的逃兵
更何況，逃也可以為了那遙遠理想

You don't have to believe it

2009-04-01T15:32:00.003+08:00

because it is a fact already
you will see more
they lay right there in front of you
you will hear more
they will play right at your back

but you won't see me anymore
until you truely realize it is a fact not a fiction

I like giving you surprises

2009-03-26T16:08:00.007+08:00

I enjoyed to see the unwanted surprises with fake smiles which you showed on your faces today
I will give you some more soon
Thanks for the unbelieving and unwilling congratulations, too
I knew that that's a sign of push which encourages me to go further and jump higher
What a pity you don't realize how well you've done

You can lose everything in life

2009-03-23T13:15:00.002+08:00

but not the essence of your style
that defines you are the distinctive one
that could be a little crazy,
but knowing it's rational is fine enough to carry on

有些東西只能獨享

2009-03-18T14:15:00.003+08:00

從前很天真的會把自己愛聽的歌，好看的書像什麼好東西般推介給人
又一股傻勁似的希望別人可以與我分甘同味，
把一些我忽略了的視聽流行介紹給我
然而，這天真的傻勁換來的往往是莫名的失望
今天，時間終於讓我明白了，原來taste這東西只能隨緣，不能強求
你喜歡的別人未必欣賞，別人所好的我又不一定有同樣體會
人各有好，因此有些東西也只能獨享
所以今天我聽我的歌，看我看的書
獨享我獨享的獨享

The best mistake

2009-03-14T12:14:00.004+08:00

If that's a mistake that I going to make again,
I only wish that's the best mistake I would have ever made
If that's the cry that I would be going through in the exotic city without a wiping tissue
I only wish I would have cried loud enough to unleash all the buried sighs

一步一驚險，得失寸心知

2009-03-05T15:52:00.002+08:00

也許樣我這樣平凡的人談不上什麼驚險。
我活多一天又有何喜，少了一天又有何悲; 我得意又如何，失業又如何。
所以過多的顧慮應是庸人自擾。

反正我任何行動的結果都跟所有人無關。
反正我就是這樣的遺世獨立不可一世。
相聚與離別又有何分別?

這一切都是我自己跟自己玩樂的遊戲，
只是我有時太投入了，才有那一步一驚險的感覺。
遊戲可以隨時從頭開始，輸贏也只有寸心知。
有什麼不可以笑傲江湖?!

A Letter to Sailormoon

2009-02-27T23:12:00.005+08:00

I have been thinking if my cat can read .... I am actually believing, she can, at least she can conceive something in her own way.....she can read in that particular way

Dearest Sailormoon,

I am over 80% sure that I am going to leave you for a year very soon. As I siad many times that it isn't an easy decision, but I gotta go and you gotta stay. You won't know how I want to take you all along with me, but we both know it's not allowed.

Someone will you give you food and clean water everyday. I just worry if they will clean the mess you left in that pinky little box soon enough. You know that ou do your weewee very well, but sometime you don't do your poo good enough. Remember, it is a tiny box and if you stand all your four legs on the border of one side when you do poopoo, the box will be turned over as the weight is too concentraded on the one edge. I helped you and endured the awful smell of your poo many times, but from then on, I won't be able to do so. So you gotta learn to stand firm when you poo as I will stand strong when I am alone. Don't make mess as no one will clear it for you immediately after I have gone.

You don't have to worry if I would still love you as much as I use to when I come back. You cats have the distinct quality that we human don't have. You know what it is? That is ..... you never have winkles, your apperance don't have big difference and you always look almost the same.... See, how great it is to be a cat!

So you gotta be good Sailormoon and I will miss you.

Love,

V.

Shanghai Trip (27/1-3/2)

2009-02-25T11:41:00.004+08:00

Shanghai City
YHA, Shangshai
YHA, Shangshai, (family of 4)

YHA, Shangshai, (family of 4)

Stomach aches

2009-01-06T13:05:00.002+08:00

my stomach hardly aches,
it aches only on those moments that I am attacked by myself

the body is such a damned being, it could attack itself without giving warning to the self

i tried to protect myself, but those things around me just stimulate my senses and memories and that in turn attack myself

my stomach aches hardly lately

when the sun begins to set

2009-01-04T15:30:00.002+08:00

when the sun begins to set i hang my clothes on the balcony
it's not that i intend to hang the wet clothes at this late, it just my best time to do this in the sunday afternoon

i got a plan for my sunday, it's also plan for achieving nothing but a reset for a new week

anyhow, i should keep this motto and mark it firmly in every single cell of my body: if you are solitary, don't be lazy, if you are lazy don't be solitary

寫

2008-12-31T17:18:00.003+08:00

寫﹐似乎是唯一的出路
而這
應是個訓練及繼續的地方
也該在此
延續

Letters from machine

2008-06-12T21:41:00.002+08:00

Haven't received any email from 'human beings' for a long time, although I have some 10 new emails every days. They are not junks, but some subscriptions from some websites such as news updates, A Word A Day, etc. Likewise, I receive letters two or three in a week, but none of them is written by human beings. I've got a lot of letters from machines. Bank statements, credit payments, promotional letters, etc. I started to doubt if technology improves relationship again.

萬世歌王

2008-06-09T21:30:00.003+08:00

在萬世歌王的演出中, 詹瑞文中告訴我們 pleasure, imagination & play 即PIP 在我們生活中,尤其精神生活中的重要性.

三個小時的演出中, 一半以上的時間都在笑, 笑是大部份人看劇想得到的, 但很多人在笑聲中得到更多, 那就是對劇場內容及笑聲的反思. 而其中最直得深思的就是"選擇"這個問題. 現今樂壇何其單一化, 歌手形象,歌曲風格等, 作為歌迷, 觀眾, 消費者也好, 通通選擇不多. 而剩下來的所謂選舉中,也不是經我們挑選出來的. 因此我們喜好也是個別人士加在我們身上的,而不是我們真正的選擇. 那這是誰的選舉呢? 誰在控制著這個看似盛況的樂壇呢? 詹瑞文以抵死幽默的方式教我們自己去思考這個問題.

一個舞台, 好幾個場景, 幾十個角色, 足足三個小時, 只有一個詹瑞文在台上演出, 實不簡單. 詹瑞文在場刊上說: [希望打破大眾對文化藝術既的沉悶, 高深, 過時, 小眾的印象.], 單從萬世歌王今天的第四度公演中, 他已做到了.

劇場的精彩之處當然不盡其錄, 也只有在現場環境中才能真正感受到. 文化愛好者應該親自入場欣賞以表支持本土文化.

I need a pot of cold water

2008-05-27T23:10:00.006+08:00

After certain period of time, when I feel the pace of my life slows down, I found myself wandering in vain again.

I have been too free, sometimes I think. The freedom somehow gives me disadvantage than advantage. Yet I know it well enough that the freedom I have got is a bless far more than a curse and I should really make a good use of it.

It's all about taking thoughts into actions and starting right here and now. Why is knowing and doing requires so different motivations.

B-Day

2008-05-18T23:37:00.004+08:00

On my birthday I went to a restaurant celebrated somebody else birthday. I said "Happy Birthday" to someone else and ate the birthday cake too.

I laugh about it to myself for myself and at myself. Life is full of ridiculousness.

新詩古道行

2008-05-05T13:17:00.001+08:00

孤情自難言,
獨路況易行.
不求天為公,
但從心中道.

Olympic Torch Relay touched the soil of China

2008-05-02T15:58:00.004+08:00

So the Olympic torch finally launched the territory of China on it's first station Hong Kong. Heaps of people have flown to watch and cheer the torch relay at TST, the starting point or some other sporting sights.

Hong Kong residents are encouraged to ware red to show our support to the flame. I do ware in red, but I want show my support to the spirit of Olympic Games more than to the flame or torch relay itself.

I wonder how much the watchers know about that they meaning of watching the torch and the torchbearers actually lies in the symbolization.

Anyway, perhaps, all these things are just a show. Let us simply enjoy a free international big show.

Why am I so worry about attending a wedding ceremony???

2008-04-24T11:51:00.006+08:00

A friend of mine is going to get marry next month and I am invited to attend the wedding ceremony. Yet ridiculously and ironically, such a wonderful event seems bringing me more worries than happiness. I know that it's not my wedding and my attendance actually doesn't mean anything to the couples, but still, thinking about all the steps everyone has to go through over the year brings me an almost unbearable pressure. I don't appreciate those traditional courtesy and ceremony at all. Put it in a extreme way, I scorn it.

Is there anything wrong with my brain? I think I am kinda mentally sick and need to see a doctor for something called emotional disorder before large event. If I have money I will.

My perception of social norms and traditional values seems quite different from most of my friends even though we brought up in a more or less the same social settings and received similar education. What make me so different and therefore so isolated and thus so abandoned?

Sometimes I think people holds similar values as mine are the most poorest group in the world. In most cases, those people don't have to worry about physical problem such as poverty, but equally poor enough is that they will never get mentally stabilized. The group of people might never be accepted by the society as their world view is almost the opposite of the majority group in the society.

Perhaps, this group of people should not exist in the world.

The relationship between happiness and wealth.

2008-04-16T13:11:00.006+08:00

Lately I realized one important truth from a live case of a friend, that is, being wealthy doesn't mean being happy. It seems quite true and many cases can be found in real lives.

Nevertheless, I still hold the belief that being wealthy has more advantages to be happy, especially if your family is rich. Anyway, the very central element to become a happy person lies very much on the person herself/himself. And of course, we have to know how and what can make ourselves content about your current status in the first place.

Unlike other big "issues" such as marriage in life, you can try it out yourself and get divorce and marry another person again, if you like. There is no rehearsal for life, you gotta know how to live your life without regret.

I agree with Greek philosophers somehow as they uphold the faith that the highest goal in life is happiness. Regarding the meaning of happiness, I believe it varies from person to person though.

Anyway, I still believe, if you are wealthy, you have more advantage to be happy.

Weather is the excuse

2008-04-10T22:33:00.004+08:00

The change of weather doesn't mean change of temperature and humidity alone, it also changes my emotions and as a result of my feelings toward every picture passes me by every moment.

Spring comes and then goes by before I realized it as days go by without a trace. Watching TV is the most obvious evidence of watching time goes away. I truly understand the reason why TV is called idiot box. I should throw it down from my window of 14th floor.

"If you are idle, don't be solitary; if you are solitary, don't be idle." I ever treat this my motto. But these two symptoms seem ever stick together on me. How can I not be solitary anyway.

I think I have written excuses today. I can blame it on the weather and then scoff at myself ridiculously.

想起你的張國榮

2008-04-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

若不是知你, 我也不知張國榮
若不是你喜歡張國榮, 我也不會在放張國榮的歌
若不是想起張國榮, 我也不會在這刻想起你
但你不是張國榮, 張國榮也不是你
但我想起張國榮, 我又想起了你
你喜歡的張國榮
像我喜歡的你
都是過去了的過去

走到那個地方的盡頭

2008-03-31T16:12:00.002+08:00

昨日和朋友C同M又去行那一座已行了無數次的柏架山. 以極慢的速度, 我們用了二個小時左右就到了[大風坳], 離山頂只一段小路. M說要回家, 我說要到山頂, C在我們兩者之間. 最後我在極不願意下被C拉了下山.

記得在澳洲,我同屋的一個朋友,曾經帶我及去過一個沙灘. 經過一個多小時時速100多公里的旅途後, 我們到達了那沙灘. 她泊好了車後, 一班人還要走一段路才能到逹. 可以把腳印在糼沙上的時候, 我們都已疲憊了, 誰都忙著坐下來休息. 坐在沙灘上,遠望夕陽把籃色的天空分成幾層, 從紅色到紫紅色, 再紫從籃色到淡籃色, 以至白色. 海風又送走了日間的煩擾. 我們從心底裡感到無限滿足, 都感到可以回去了. 但她卻說:[不,我們要走到去沙灘的盡頭.] 這句簡單的說話,對我來說卻有一股很大的力量. 千里紹紹來到一個地方, 難道就不多走幾步, 放眼到最遠的極處? 在她的帶領下,我們走到了最遠處, 看到了最美的景色. 自此以後, 每去到一個地方, 我都要走到那個地方的盡頭-Reach the end!

行了無數次柏架山,我還沒有到過山頂,原因是跟我一起行山的人都沒有這決心,更不知道走到盡頭的那種快感. 這次行山是我最不快的一次經歷.

最無聊的是,走到山腳後, 我們都各自回家. 各走各路. 既然在山下有這樣的結果, 何必不在山上分道揚鑣呢?

也許我早應該習慣, 路, 還是要我一個人自己走......唉......

The Last day of Easter Holiday

2008-03-24T12:46:00.003+08:00

The Last day of Easter Holiday is sunny. I realized it before I got out of my bed. And the sunny day passed me by before I realized it.

2008-03-21T22:39:00.003+08:00

I spent my first Easter Holiday at home drawing a picture of my cat which I felt awful. Looking at the picture I realized how far me and drawing are parted. We found each other strangers.
What to do and what to draw seem two questions that ever last and halt my life progress. And staying these question again again is something I hate myself the most.

after some years

2008-03-10T17:53:00.003+08:00

Ever since we stepped out our schools, we were parted at the highway which leads us to some diversified destinations. Although we all living in the same city, we ended at different stops after a few years. Some have already told me they are getting marry this year and some just told they are getting marry next year. Some are just fell in love while some, are still single. There are also some turning to a Mater or PHD. A lot of changes and a lot of stories to tell, every time we gather together.

A snese of ...many..less

2008-03-06T10:57:00.006+08:00

On my way to work this morning, I saw a young female vagrant who I use to see in the area. I once thought she looks like a friend of mine. I looked at her for a few more seconds this time and I realized she does not look like my friend, but rather like me.

I feel like she and I are equally poor, mentally in particular. She must have a god damned awful home, so that she has to wandering in street like a deserted dog or cat, I assume. She is not the only one in the same street, I realized at that moment.

Now that I really have to interrupt my plan and move out as soon as possible or else I would not be only mentally like the vagrant, but also physically. I think I have been mentally homeless for too long and have long lost the concept of home, the only memory left is the sense of a good night sleep which I have been long for too.

So, I have to take this delayed action. Sadly, when I look around, I got nothing but an enhanced sense of nothinglessness.

無間道阿仁在心理醫生那處睡的那張沙發床...

2008-03-04T12:44:00.007+08:00

當我累的時候, 當我的家我的床不能給我安靜, 當我感到我是無處可歸的浪流者, 我會想起無間道中的阿仁... 妒忌地想著, 也只可以想著...假若我可以倘在心理醫生的那張沙發床上...讓我可以被催眠,進入不知名國度, 睡到直到...直到我可以忘記這個世界所有的不快...

2008 年財政預算案, 我-基層「三無人士」(無領綜援、無納稅、無物業)之著數

2008-02-28T17:47:00.004+08:00

2008 年財政預算案我有著數. 身為基層「三無人士」(無領綜援、無納稅、無物業), 財爹曾俊華向我推出兩項新招﹕向月入1萬元或以下「打工仔」的強積金戶口額外存入6000元，又前所未有地向全港241萬個住宅用戶提供1800元電費補貼。

多謝財爹慷慨解囊及提醒我是什麼身份.